life.

And how are you doing? You know that elusive thing that you kind of know what it is, but you dont want to talk about? How everyime someone says "you sound better than you did yesterday" it just zaps you right back into that same horrible mood? How something simple that you thought only bothered you a little bit can suddenly have you sobbing into your pillow?? How you enjoy listening to other people's problems just because it makes you forget about what is bothering you, even if it's only for a moment??

Me?? I'm fine. I spend my day telling everyone that. Mom asks. Oh, I'm ok. "You sound better than you did yesterday" (bad mood starts) Yea. Thanks ever so much for bringing it up. I know you were just making an observation, and no I'm not mad at you. No, its not something I want to talk about. With anyone. Because it can't be fixed. Because I don't know what's wrong. How can I fix something when I don't know what it is??

I just wish I could hibernate. Crawl in a hole somewhere and hide. From whatever it is that's eating at me. Eating at me and ripping me apart. Because I hate feeling like this. Cheerful Heather one moment, fake cheerful Heather who's actually wanting to hide the next moment. It's tiring. And I wish it would just go away. I wish I could just go away.