woohoo guess this proves i'm not a complete idiot!

my SAT results are in (online). Guess what? You know how I said I'll never get over 1,000? well, i'm happy to report I was (for once in my life, hehe) wrong. not too far off, 1090 i think i got, but still i was happy to get over 1,000. because i really really really didn't think i was even going to get 1,000.

so guess what i did? i sprained my foot. lovely, eh? i think it's sprained anyway. I went to the doctor for it, she gave me pain medicine (a bit stronger than tylenol) and told me to keep an ace bandage on it. I even called off of work today, it hurt that much to stand. grrr. work tomorrow though, 5-10pm. wish me luck on getting through it.

i'm sitting here, wishing for someone to talk to. an elusive somebody. even i don't know who they are. i want someone real, not online. the only problem is, any chance i had for any real interaction with people outside of my family, i turned down yesterday. at work last night i was asked my phone number by one (very old) guy, and another guy (closer to my age) asked me if i had a boyfriend and when i said no without looking at him he said 'and you're not interested either are you..?' and no, i wasn't, although i told him it was because i have no time for guys right now. which is true, in a way, i am a very busy person as of late, but i think if there were any sort of spark i'd make the time. i just haven't felt that yet... and no matter what i say to people, i think i want to. i'd like to feel cherished. i just haven't found the right guy yet. and sometimes i don't want to find him... and then sometimes i'd love to have someone be there for me, to laugh with me, to make each other happy, to make me cry (love isn't always happy), to lust after me (horrible sounding i know, but there's nothing that makes one feel better than knowing someone wants you, that you're beautiful/amazing etc), to hug me, to cuddle with me, to kiss me, to remind me i'm not alone, ... i don't always feel like i matter. i mean of course i matter to my family and a few online friends, but other than that? it'd be nice to know that if/when i die i had some sort of spot in someone's heart, even if it was just a casual 'relationship'... it'd be nice to know that for even just a moment in time, i mattered to someone.

this post was inspired by turning down the guy yesterday, the nice guy- not the old one who just wanted my phone number (50 at least he had a daughter older than me that yelled at him when he asked and kept going on about how i wouldn't give him my phone number to his 5year old grandchildren). it was also inspired by my feelings lately, reflections and stuff. and the 3 romance books i got today, one of which i've read completely this afternoon, and the dove bodywash/shampoo/deodorant i used in/after my bath. my grandma got it for me for christmas, and i must just say i smell delicious. and so yea, all of that stuff combined made me blog this. it took an hour to blog this, partly because i haven't yet sorted my thoughts out yet, and partly due to the fact that i had to have another website up to read because my mom was at her desk behind me and kept turning to see what i was reading/typing and i don't really want her, or maybe even anyone especially family, to read this.

i don't know if any of this made sense, to anyone, or myself. but i'm bored/restless and lonely.

images from kidsdomain.com

this template has been up entirely too long. it's been an eternity since i changed templates. gah. i guess i ought to leave it up till at least after christmass is over, right? oy.

i just think my yahoo profile pic is hilarious. I got them at my father's work today, so I thought i might as well model them. lol

hahahahahahahahahahaha *falls off chair and says from the floor* hahahahahahaha

Picture this:

Someone knows you're in a down mood. They want to cheer you up. The problem is, they're the reason you're in the mood, only they don't know it. How can you tell them?

I'm mad at someone. maybe not mad, but disappointed? tired of dealing with their stuff? I don't know the right words to express. But I'm just sick of it. 'it' being dealing with the person. so now what? do i stop talking to them? but i am (usually) happy when talking to them. just... not always. and it's those other times that make me want to not talk to them. but then i remember the 'good' times, the times i smile and laugh until i cry, and then i think well maybe... maybe, as long as the good times keep outnumbering the bad, i'll keep talking to them. and they do. good outnumber the bad i mean. but it's just... i don't know. and the person doesn't know i feel this way, and i'm not sure i can tell them. but now what? grrr. i hate feeling like this!

i'm debating on whether or not to post this. because there is a slight slight chance they'll see this and figure it out. although, chances are, if you're reading this, it's not you. the person that i'm talking about, I never gave my blog URL. So if you ever got a link to this blog from me, it's not you. so don't worry.

i'm on antidepressants...

and stomach ulcer medicine...




both. at the same time. for my hives, not for depression or stomach ulcers. i have neither, thank goodness. But I do have hives. and let me just tell you, they itch like crazy! they're not as bad as last summer (see Apr 14, 10:41pm entry) though, i had them so much then that I had to go to the emergency room. for this i'm just taking the same medicine i took last time, actually the exact same (leftover) prescription. and it seems to be helping, i'm not near as itchy as i was pre-medicine :)

here you go, new Christmas design, featuring my puppy (ok, so she's like 3 years now :p) Gidget.
As it says on the sidebar, I didn't do the html. I only changed the colors (which are a bit unmatched with the pic) and took out the overflow-auto tag.
And put in the pic of Gidget of course. Aww. isn't my puppy cute? lol.

i'm blaming all of my crazy moods on my cold medication.

that, and the snow. yea. i am totally not to blame for anything i say.

i dislike the lowercase letter 'q'. it looks ugly. and backwards. and the capital 'Q' isn't all that great either, the 'O' wanna-be.

I'm sick. And that's a fact I've been trying to deny or at least delay for at least a week now. But tonight my sore throat arrived along with my stuffy nose and cough. so i guess it's official :(

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. which i'm kinda thinking it's mean to go to if i'm sick. i mean, what if the poor dentist gets my cold? then he'll be leaning over someone (hopefully not me) and start sneezing into their mouth. eeeww. that's a gross thought, sorry.

I still didn't get my credit card. I was going to apply online, for a visa, but mom says that I should wait for the credit company to come to me (as in send me mail) because then I'll probably get better deals. But I hate waiting. i'm so impatient lately. impatient and lazy at the same time. it's a weird combination.

oh, and as soon as my mom gets the christmas stuff out, I will be changing this template. I'm going to take a pic of my dog Gidget with a santa hat on and use that as part of the template :) it'll be cute, if i can get her to keep the hat on long enough to take the pic lol.

and now i have to go to bed because it's already 11:30 and i have a 9am dentist appt. which means i have to wake up at like 7.... *yawn*

I promise i'll blog better soon.