.

Hello, my name is Heather and I'm a slave to a retail giant. Would you like your gallon in a bag? Is that everything? Your total is [way more than anyone should spend on the crap you bought]. Thank you, have a good night.

2 (not so good) pics of my xmas eve earrings

a (blurry) close-up:



and another, a crappy full-face pic (taken today--- 5mins ago actually):

happenings

The two biggest things in my life recently/right now?
I'm on school-break. And I just started a job.
School grades:
Senior Seminar B+
Med. & Ren Lit A-
19th C Brit Lit B+
History of Eng B- (YES!)
Intro to Logic B-

My schedule for the next three weeks
12/22-12/28
SAT: 9-5
SUN: 9-5
MON: 10-3
TUES: OFF
WEDS: OFF
THURS: 1-9
FRI: 12-8

12/29-1/4
SAT: 2-10
SUN: 12-8
MON: OFF
TUES: 1-9
WEDS: 2-10
THURS: 4-8
FRI: OFF

1/5-1/11
SAT: 12-8
SUN: 1-9
MON: 2-10
TUES: OFF
WEDS: 5-9
THURS: 2-10

Jan 14th- back to school (the day before my sister's birthday)

hmph

what to say what to say.

frustrated

Sometimes my mom frustrates me to no end. For example, now. I have a lot of schoolwork to do, that I know I have to do. If it doesn't get done, who does it affect? Oh wait, that'd be ME. I KNOW that it needs to get done. I have every intention of doing it, it will get done. I even asked my professor for an extention (which he willingly granted because its the first time I ever asked in 3 years) for a paper so I could turn in a good paper versus something I just do quickly so its done even if it turns out to be shit. Did I just turn in a shitty paper? No. I was responsible and asked for more time. Now, who came up with the idea to ask for an extention? Oh, yep, that'd be me too.
I have a ton of work to do, but work isn't all I think about. Yes, maybe I should think about my work more than I do, but it always gets done and I get good grades. I have a 3.17 GPA, which isn't excellent but its more than I need for my scholarships/gradschool/etc. And you know what? Even if my grades weren't that great, it's my life. I don't need my mom to yell at me for thinking about something else. I've never been so irresponsible that I'd not get something done, and I've done it all on my own. Why does she think she has the right to yell at me about it? She doesn't have the right. Even if I flunk out (which is NOT going to happen because I would NOT let it) she has no right to yell at me for it. I pay for my own education. On my own. I'm the one who made it to senior year of college.

It's my life. My choices. My end results. I'm the one that will live with the consequences, not her. Why am I the only one who sees this?

Halloweeeeeeeeen

It was fun. That's all I can say right now. More (with pictures!) later.

Halloweeeeeeeeen

It was fun. That's all I can say right now. More (with pictures!) later.

Post 1 of NaBloPoMo!

So what exactly is NaBloPoMo? Head over to NaBloPoMo.ning.com to find out more details, but in short its where people sign up to blog every day of November. Why would someone do this? Cause it's fun, silly. Also, I think I need the jump to get back into blogging. I used to post multiple times a day, then every day, then every few days, and sadly I've gone a month or so without posting sometimes. And I don't like that! For some reason, writing to my (sometimes invisible/lurking) audience about whatever is going through my head, as boring as it may be, makes me happy (but I'd be happier if people commented!). So I apologize if these posts may lack substance... but its to get into a rhythm so hopefully they'll turn good eventually.

It's 2am and I'm tired. So I'm just going to end this here, if anyone (including new readers if there are any!) has any questions for me to answer about anything about myself/likes/dislikes etc feel free to ask! It'd give me something to talk about....


UPDATE: Folks, its over before it really started. For a bunch of reasons I've decided this month really won't work, and I really won't be able to commit to blogging once a day. Maybe another month. Perhaps when I take my photo course next semester I can do a corrllation with that. But as for right now, I quit. Sorry.

Ch-ch-chaaaanges

Ok, so it's almost a new template. It's a different color, that ought to count for something!

Quick update, I've joined NaBloPoMo.


More details tomorrow.

it's my birthday!

So my birthday started out ok. I slept weirdly, woke up quite a few times but eventually woke up at 8:45am to shower and get ready for classes. I also got to talk to my grandmother on AIM, so that was nice. 3 classes (and a few 'happy birthday heather!'s from a few classmates) later I was back in my room to pack to go home. On the way home we picked up our cake.

I gave the cake to my mom, I refuse to have that cake as part of my birthday celebration. We told them pink and black icing. It's PINK (light, baby pink, not dark prettyish pink) with a tiny tiny bit of black/purple lines on the side that you can't even see when you look at the top of the cake. So disappointed I almost cried. Over a cake. I must be PMSing. Even so, I was terribly disappointed. And so I disowned it and told mom it could be her cake only. Besides, I got to go out to Pizza Hut with the family for dinner, and mom won't get a special dinner tomorrow so I can at least give her the whole cake. She has to have something besides a couple presents to make it seem like her birthday. Sometimes I hate that we're so close together birthday-wise cause I feel like I get all the attention and I'd rather mom get more of it.

That said, it's still my birthday, so back to me! Hah. As for pressies, I got a $15 check from my grandparents (yay!! money is always great) and 2 DVDs that I wanted from my parents (ok, my mom really).





All in all, a good haul. Yay birthdays.



Oh yea, and I got my webcam today. It gives a very sharp picture (from what I can tell anyways), and while the LED lights get really bright they don't always have to be on...
I'm off to enjoy the last 45 minutes of my birthday and then wish my mom a happy birthday at midnight.

the Pre-Birthday post

Approx. 22 minutes until my 22nd birthday. Hah! I didn't even plan to post at this exact time, it was just a coincidence. No, really.
So far I've been wished happy birthday (and he 'sang' it too.. in type) by my mush, also by one of my roommate's boyfriends, and then of course the roomies. Two of them went out while I was in nightclass yesterday and got me a chocolate cake (they said it was brownies... which it wasn't, it was cake, but thats good too!) and then when some of their friends were over (who are kind of friends of mine I guess?) they all sang happy birthday as I turned off a flashlight that was beneath a candle (we can't have open flames, hence they improvised). It was so nice/sweet, I was very embarassed to have all that attention (it was like 8 people!) and so I hid my head in my hands... but still was nice and I said all my thank yous. multiple times. Cause they deserved it cause theyre sweet :)

And then, I hate to say it, but I wished they would all just go away so I could finish watching CSI:NY. At least the singing was done on the commercial and I at least kinda got to see the ending. Even so, them being so nice and thoughtful was worth me missing my show.

Yay birthdays!

I'll update tomorrow sometime with actual birth-day events/news. :)

Update: At exactly midnight my roomie presented me with a card that was signed by all of my roommates. Awww. Silly and sweet. :)

sweet dreams

silly roomies

So, we had a (stupid) 'safety inspection' today of our room. Basically they go around the room making sure you don't overload the electrical outlets. In preperation for this visit my roomie and I cleaned our room. It hasn't looked like this since the day we moved in:

Just thought I ought to document it... you know, in case we ever have to prove that we actually aren't TOTAL slobs someday...

oh no!

I forgot my blog's birthday!!! And even though I really do know the blog hasn't noticed, I still feel bad. Sigh. Just further proof of my neglect of this blog this year.

I'm sorry blog. Happy belated birthday. Hopefully you will get better with age.

hi-ho hi-ho its off to work I go?

So for some reason this week, I've been in a job-applying frenzy. Since I've been home from school I've applied for at least 6 jobs (although I couldn't tell you what they all were, a couple of them I just clicked 'submit resume' if I had some vague interest) and...
I have an interview on friday! It's not in anyway a life-changing career move BUT getting this job means that I can pay off credit-cards faster (paycheck= money= going directly to CC companies) which means I can breathe easier. So, in a weird way, job= less stress? I guess so. Someone please remind me of that when I'm freaking out later this semester because I've too much schoolwork to do and not enough free time to do it in, ok? Cause I'm sure that's going to happen. But tons of other students get jobs, and if they can handle it so can I. Hopefully.
Anyways, its just an interview on Friday. And who knows, maybe someone else will call and by Friday I'll have more interviews. It was just shocking (in a good way) because they called me on a Sunday, the day after I filled out their online application. Just think, if I hadn't procrastinated it last week I could have had a job by now...

Why do I want a job again? I'm already thinking about how much I love my spare time and how I won't have any. Do you realize how many movies I get to watch in a week and how long I get to play online because I've nothing better to do? Eep! But really, any job I get will be a maximum of 25 hours... seeing as how I come home Thursday afternoon and go back Mon night or Tues morning, it should be pretty easy to squeeze in 25 hours of work.

And, if I'm at work I'll be moving. And not eating. Which means I lose weight. Let's see: money + weight loss - free time=...?

Yea well, if I don't like it I can always quit, I have enough money in bank at the moment to keep away the creditcard wolves for a few months.

But in the meantime... I have an interview to stress out about! :)

baby!!!

A friend's baby boy, 3months old:

Over a month later...

I'd like to introduce everyone to Manny the Vanny. Also known as Manny Redbeat Vanny.

This is his handsome side, the other side has the sliding door with a slight scratch on it (it was that way when I got him, honest!).

new haircut

So for some reason, whenever I take a 'new haircut' picture, I don't really take a picture of the actual hair itself so much. And I tend not to smile, even though I like the new style. But too bad, they're my pictures. Hah.
:-p

because I feel like sharing

So on Tuesday when I decided to come back to school, I realized that I really didn't have too many pairs of decent underwear left. Most of them are far too old that I really should just throw them out (they're not gross, theyre just a bit worn out) and others were so worn out that I really did just throw them out (3 in the past week). And so at home I have no undies, whereas at school I have quite a few but only a couple that are actually decent.
Anyways, so I bought new undies. Last minute trip to the store resulting in me buying 6 pairs (sheesh those things are expensive). Well, my size is hard to get because they're so gigantic and so its not like I had much of a selection... so I bought these:

Holy moly are they bright! I feel like I should wear sunglasses when I wear them.

And then, because I'm trying to be optimistic and hopefully these cheerful things will inspire me to lose weight so I can wear them (cause I'm weird and think they're pretty... and I almost can wear them, theyre just a bit too snug) I also bought these, which are the next size down from what I currently wear:

Not exactly my normal style but hey I like them so shush.

Ok, enough of my undies. Just be thankful I didnt post about my bras.

life philosophy

I dont know why I let myself get excited about something; I should know better than to actually look forward to anything. I thought I had conditioned myself to know better, and to know that what my expectations are and what usually happens are far far apart and its best to not look forward to it at all since it won't be as good as my head makes it out to be anyway.

I'm not in a good mood. I don't know if I'm hurt or disappointed or some mixture of both. I already logged out of everything cause I just couldnt deal, I had to just curl up on my bed and force myself to zone out so I could like calm down. I don't know, its hard to explain. At least by writing about it it makes me cry, which should (theoretically) make me feel better. Sometime.

school- week 2

Ok, so I didn't start week 2 yet so really I can't post about it. What can I post about then? How about week 1?

Week 1 was filled with lots of activity, starting on Sunday (26th) with moving into my dorm. It wasn't so bad, it was just my mom and I and we managed. The hardest part was the parking. It's so unorganized at my school on moving-in day, it always is. And when we mentioned the chaos and lack of parking to my RA all she said was "you should have seen it on freshman move-in day." Yea, cause that's helpful.

We changed parking spots twice, we kept the furthest away spot for just moving my stuff in and then when it came time to move my mini-fridge (which my dad had tied to a handtruck) we tried to get it out of the van... but that wasn't going to happen easily. And so we tried shoving it forwards more, but it was as forward as it was going to go. See, when we put it in the van I tried saying that it wasn't going to fit standing up properly and may have to be put onto its side. That was met with an abrupt 'No, it'll fit.' Well guess what, you can push a fridge into the van by brute force but its a bit difficult to get it out after! Finally my roomie got it out by crawling into the van and tipping onto its side a bit as we pulled on the handtruck's handle. But sheesh what a hassle.

Ok, so once I'm all moved in it was time to unpack right? Yea, right. I was all moved in by about 1pm, fast forward to 9pm and I still have most of my clothes and a couple of desk items on my bed. Oh, and not to mention my bed isn't even made yet. Oops. I hate unpacking.

Ok enough boring move-in day crap. My roomies are nice, some are nuttier than others but I guess you can expect that when you move in with 5 other girls. Yea, five. What was I thinking?!

But it's not so bad. I'm hardly there anyway, I'm planning to get a job at home so that means I'll be at school possibly Monday night or Tuesday morning until Thursday afternoon and Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and most of Monday are spent at home/working. Today I told my roomie Caitlin that it's more like I'm a friend that spends 3 nights in her room and stores all my crap there. Hah. Senior year and I'm not even spending it at school. Yea well, there's always next semester... who knows what my schedule will be then.

late update

So... oops. I know I didn't post when I said I would. Long story short, I just didn't feel like it. I did get a vehicle, it's a (really nice condition save for a few minor scratches) 1994 Chevy Lumina van. It's great, I love it and it's name is Manny the Vanny. My dad said I can't name my own vehicle (what?! I've done it with all my previous cars so I don't know where he came up with that) and in a fit of inspiration at the color has dubbed Manny 'Redbeat'. As in redbeat eggs. As in no, Heather will not be substituting Manny for Redbeat. No matter what dad says.

I moved into my dorm room yesterday. Well, almost everything is moved in, I forgot my fan at home. Which really sucks actually, since it's stuffy in this room and my roommate's fan is on the other side of our room and so it doesn't help too much when I'm hot. Our room is bigger this year!!! As in... all of our stuff actually fits in the room AND we have room in the middle! It's so strange to have spare room, we're not sure we like it. And so we've vowed to keep it semi-messy so as not to notice the huge expanse of white tile. Cause ick, who wants space just laying around?

I didn't have any classes today. My classes start tomorrow and so that'll be interesting. Everyone keeps telling me I suck cause I didn't have classes today and I won't have any on Friday and I know it's a great schedule but let me tell you it's not that much fun to just wander around all day either while everyone goes off to do stuff. Boring. I even took a nap (as did my roommate) from about 5-7 just because I was tired from being bored.

My sleep schedule is all thrown off. I've actually been going to bed early, around 11 maybe, which is good I guess? But it sucks because I'll want to be online but then I'll get sleepy and want to go to sleep. Plus Mush is MIA :( and so that makes me just want to go to sleep even earlier. And then when I go to sleep early I wake up early. As in pre-9am!! It's insanely weird and I don't really like it. I mean the 9am schedule thing works for school but I still don't like it.

Umm I don't really have a graceful way of ending this post, so I'll just say this: class starts tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it so I have something to do. Even though I know this time next week I'll be hating it. Le sigh.

car shopping

I've never really thought about it, but car shopping is a huge pain in the arse. Today my dad and I went to 5 different car lots and only found a handful of cars that were in my price range or half-decent size/model wise. Very few of that handful were both in price range and a half-decent model.

The fourth place we looked had sent out a flyer with "cars from $76 a month" and so since that's in my budget we decided to go there. HAH! What they should have put was "1 Car that is sold on first day if it really exists at all is $76 a month the rest are over $200." And like an idiot I gave him my information before finding all that out so I'm probably going to get spam/calls from their stupid business. Boy are they in for it if they call me, they really pissed me off. And the "free" MP3 player that I won according to their flyer? Yea it's free but they don't keep them in the dealership and so I have to send away for it with a money order for $15 to cover shipping charges. Whatever happened to free???

The next dealership (and last one of the day) I almost bought a car for a really really good price, but after considering the little things that were wrong with it my dad decided it wouldn't be a good deal... and considering what I know about cars mechanically could fit in my little pinky finger I trust him to make that judgement. Certainly trust him more than myself. And we hadn't even taken a test drive, that was just from looking at the outside of the car and the undercarriage (it looks like it had serious front end damage at one time in the undercarriage).

And then when the car dealer finally got there (he was away so we had to call his phone) and he attempted to start the car... it didn't start. So he pops the hood and says its just the battery and it only needs to be charged. Ok, fine. The car dealer gets the battery charger out, puts it on the battery spots and the car alarm starts going off! Right at the exact time that my dad's head was down at the engine, so he got a nice loud ringing right in his head (he had a headache after). Figuring he could get the alarm off from the inside he had my dad put the charger on the battery as he tried to start the car... nope! More alarm. Over and over and over again this happened as the guy tried to figure out what was wrong. Finally my dad said we'd come back tomorrow and maybe they'd have it fixed by then.

We'll go back, but chances are we'll be looking at another car on the lot. That one just seems like way too much trouble. So we're taking it as a sign that we should keep looking...

Dad said we'd go looking more on Monday but I think my pesting is getting to him because I've already kind of gotten him to say we'll go to that place plus another place tomorrow. Yay!

Now if only one of these places would have a decent car for a decent price...

(I'll update tomorrow with the car quest results)

l-o-v-e.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to love somebody, even when they don't deserve it. What I've been raised to believe (and I really do believe it) is that love isn't all about flowers and good times. When you love someone, when you really truly love them, you know that times are going to be rough. Sometimes you wish that you didn't love them. But you can't help it, that's just how love is. You love someone even when they don't deserve your love, you love them inspite of themselves and whatever actions they take.
I'm not saying that someone should stay in a situation that is bad for them, that's not what I mean at all. If the bad are outweighing the good by a long shot, if your life (children, etc) is in danger... that's not what I'm talking about at all. All I mean is that sometimes someone does something stupid or says something that shouldn't be said or acts a certain way during a certain time... and it's not easy to just get away from that. You love them through the bad until you get to the good again. As long as there's good to hold onto.

Sometimes the good times with my dad are so unbelievably good. Happy and fun and joking around like the person I know he is. And then you find out something stupid he's doing and you want to just hate him. But its so hard cause you remember the good times and you know you can't just give up on him even though he might deserve it.
But if we didn't love him- or if we thought he didn't really love us, our world wouldn't exist. It'd be some crumbled shadow of what used to be. Every aspect of our life would change. And we would all be so incredibly crushed.
I just wish he'd keep acting like the person we all love so much.

On the way back from Virginia...

I was bored (surprise!).
So here's a bunch of pictures.
















My sister and I are being silly:

can you guess how I'm feeling?

I'm bored. Everything that I think of to do to relieve the boredom just seems 'eh'- as in, I'm not in the mood to do that either so it'd just be switching from one thing to another thing that I don't care for.
I'm bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored ored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored.

I won my twin in a carnival game

(Ok, so he's the cuter twin. Especially in this picture.)

I'm an idiot.

I was making chilli dogs today and also I was being nice and making my mom a hamburger. The hamburgers were on the back burner and needed to be adjusted so I went to move the chilli dogs that were on the front burner. Well... I forgot that I had actually turned the chilli dogs on awhile ago and the pan was quite hot. So what do I do? I use my thumb and index finger on the pan's edges to rearrange the pan... burning my finger and thumb in the process. I realized it rather quickly and pulled my fingers away but ouch! Luckily I put aloe on it and it didn't burn too badly. My finger sure hurt for a bit though. Stupid me.

virginia

My sister (Heidi- the one that was in the car crash on Monday) has been accepted into a summer scholars program where she'll be in Virginia from July 1st until the 27th (I think...). Now, being the ultra-prepared people that we are (hah) we decided to drive down the night before she was supposed to arrive and thus have extra time to relax at the hotel before the crazy unpacking moving heidi in rush.

Well... it didn't exactly turn out to be relaxing. The day (Saturday) started out great. Everything fit into the car- amazing, considering how much stuff that was packed (stuff for heidi + stuff for us- snacks/drinks/extra clothes etc). However, about 26miles into our journey my car decided it didn't feel like going to VA, and proceeded to allow me to drift it into a pull-off area alongside the highway before it died completely (hopefully not permanently).

My mom called my dad, my dad called our friend Mark (who previously was going to take my dad to work) and asked him to come get him at the house and then bring him (dad) to us, and then take my mom and I to a rental car agency while Heidi and Dad stayed with the car. Done, done, and done. $111 later, the car was rented for 2 days and we were back on the road to pick up Heidi, call for AAA to tow my car, and say thanks to Mark. He really helped a lot and wouldn't accept gas/time money.

Anyways, now instead of my 1993 Grand Am (a bit on the small side being as it's a sports car) we were driving a much smoother 2001 Ford Taurus. I did rather well on the way down to VA, no wrong turns (I saved that for the ride home) and I drove the whole 300 miles each way myself (with a few breaks for food/bathroom etc...).

And then! We checked into the hotel. Where I proceeded to take this picture:


and then Heidi took this one of my reflection:


Long story short(er), the hotel wasn't that great and dropping heidi off at the school was hard. I was sad of course but I mean come on, shes going to get to experience all kinds of stuff and she'll have fun... she's already had a lot of fun she says and she's only been there a couple of days now. So I wasn't too upset. Plus I get my bedroom to myself now for a whole month! haha

Part of the ride home was spent trying to cheer up my mom (she was a lot happier after Heidi called to let her know she was ok) and then just general goofing around. This is where my hand spent most of the trip:
(on the radio station change button)


This is a picture of me driving on the way home... I'm laughing cause I was yelling at my mom for taking this picture... I asked what the point was, all she was going to get was a picture of my ear:

to which she replied that I have a "sexy ear!!!" which made us both laugh hysterically. In case you were wondering, it's not sexy:


Today I returned the rental car and walked the mile home. It feels like I've been going non-stop since I've got home, and there's no end in sight. Sigh.

my sister was in a car accident

So if I'm not around for a few days at the least, that's why. She's ok, just a lot of scratches and bruises but (as far as the xrays/catscans show) nothing permanent (thank god). She was at the hospital from 5:30-1:30am (my mom and I got there around 6:30ish-- it was a long drive to the car crash scene & hospital-- long distance wise and emotionally). We finally got home around 3am.

So since we're down to one car now (mine) I'm going to be doing a lot of taxi-ing and U-Haul driving (I drove one for the first time this morning). So if I'm not on for a few days and you can't get ahold of me I'm sorry but I'm either driving somewhere OR catching up on sleep.

I'm just so thankful she wasn't more seriously hurt (the accident was a 'T-Bone' -- meaning that she was hit on the passengers side--that side of the car is in a U shape now as the passenger door was smashed into the middle of the car- even the frame of the car itself is bent), the ambulance driver told her that if she'd have been in a newer car instead of the old clunky one that she was driving she'd have been dead for sure.

It was a rough day yesterday/this morning.

short updates

I love these lollipops:


I really like only spending a short amount of time at the market. Today I spent just the proper amount there.

I adore 8 week old kitties. Even when I go to the market expecting to visit with a brand-new (11 day old) baby and get kittens instead. Not a bad substitution.

I'm going to Virginia in... 6 days. For an overnight trip. I'll be getting rid of my sister for a whole month. As excited as I am for it (and boy am I) I'm also a little sad cause hey it's my LITTLE sister (who just so happens to be not so little at 17 years old).

I'm debating over switching this from ibabble.net to my old aliengurl.blogspot.com or possibly ibabble.blogspot.com or something similar. So if you want to know if I change my URL, let me know. If not, good luck finding me again. If you care to. I'm getting sick of paying $15 a year (+ $3 a month) for something I don't use often enough.

Seriously? I really really love those lollipops.


This is a crappy update, and it's mush's fault cause HE made me do it. hah.

another haircut pic

I know it doesn't look that great in this picture, but my hairdresser guy curled each of these individually (with a curling iron) and so i think it deserves to have a picture on here. It took 3 hours. It was amazing, there's more curls then showed up in this picture even... each big curl you see in it has about 4 others underneath it... and I sat in the chair, nice and properly still, for three hours!!

Prepare yourself for some scary words

Lately, I've been thinking.

I'll pause a moment to let the eerie music fade.

Ready? Ahem.
Somedays, if I wouldn't be so attached to having my very own name as my email address (heather@) I would give up this whole ibabble.net domain thing. As much as I like it, it gets harder to justify spending the money on it for the amount of blogging I actually do these days.
Simple solution, right? Just blog more.
But that's not so simple! I used to go through my days thinking (perhaps pathetically) that 'this' and 'this' would make for interesting blog posts. Not so much anymore. Now I'm lucky if I think of this blog once a week, and never with any real desire/drive to post. Perhaps if I had more commenters that let me know they actually read this? But then again, that's my fault. Why read/comment when I don't post anything interesting to read/comment on?

Its a vicious, unhappy self-made circle I've drawn myself into.

Even this post was going to be more interesting (I promise, it was!) but somewhere between my brain and typing my fingers got lost and yet again its just me babbling on about how boring my blog is to me anymore.

And I WANT it to be interesting! I know of so many great bloggers/writers I could link you to- except since I don't really know-know them, I feel weird doing that without their permission. But they don't know I'm talking about them unless I link them. Another circle!!!

So what was the point of this post? Oh yea, I really miss the good ol' days of blogging. And I know others do too (May!!) and I wish we could all get back into it. Wishful thinking perhaps, but there it is.

I'd say comment, but you cant cause my comments are broken :(
Comments are working!! Just the blogger ones, not the haloscan (boo) so all of the lovely mushy comments I got won't show up, butttttt at least theres some type of commenting again!

LOOK! I'm alive! (kinda- & no, I wasn't crying, I'm sick for goodness sakes)

Just do me a favor and don't look too closely, ok?

um oops.

So... the comments aren't working properly. It's completely my fault... it's a long story. I'll fix them... sometime soon. hopefully.

*updated 5/30*
Well, they may be fixed. They may not. I only have so much patience, and I give up for now. If they show up twice, use haloscan please. If they don't show up at all... well, email me if you want. myname@ibabble.net sorry.

school

1 (9page) paper down
1 final studied for & taken
----
1 (4page) essay to write (due by thurs, Russian Lit)
2 rooms to empty of a year's worth of stuff and pack to take home

and then my Junior year is over.
and on comes summer.
and a job.
full time.
boo.

Sometimes I get writer's block

I was attempting to write my paper. 7 pages, due Tuesday in class (at 12:30). So far, it's not going well at all.

Sometimes, I'm a good writer. Sometimes I actually read my paper and I'm like 'ok that sounds good.' Sometimes my brain bypasses correct punctuation usage in favor of getting the thought down. Today is not one of those times. Today everytime I reread a sentence I end up deleting it and starting over. And it deserves to be erased because it's awkward and rambly, with weird comma usage and/or other punctuation out of place. So I switch this word, delete this comma and rearrange the words a few more times. And 15 minutes later, I have a sentence. One. It's frustrating.

Sometimes the words just flow out of my brain through my fingertips and onto the screen. Sometimes my fingers can barely type fast enough to keep up with the direction of my thoughts. Sometimes everything goes smoothly. Today is not one of those times. Today my words are being pulled from my fingertips like a shard of glass from a wound, each painful word following the next until all I'm left with is the bloody mess that is my paper.

Sometimes my thesis is something I like. Today? No. Today my thesis can't be formed properly. I know the general, I can't narrow it down to the specific. I want my thesis to be something like "rationality in these texts = bad" but I need it to sound good, and I need it to make sense in relation to the rest of my paper. I need to know what the rest of my paper is going to be like.

My paper right now is an outline of characters and one way they show rationality = bad. I need more details. It's impossible to fill up seven pages with 'rationality = bad in X person because of this one reason. I need details!

The details won't happen without a better outline. Right now my outline is crap, and so my paper is crap and impossible to write. You can't write a paper like this without a decent outline, I know that. And yet, even just trying to write the detailed outline is almost impossible. I've been sitting here for 2 hours trying.

Sometimes papers make me want to kill myself.

fancy-schmancy

Today I gave myself a french manicure, painted my toenails in 'outback aphrodisiac' pink and bought white sandals ($2.49 at walmart).
I'm trying to bring on Summer, even though the weather is not cooperating.

food stuff

I can be very particular about what I eat. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, but I really am rather choosy about what I will or will not put in my mouth (don't be a pervert). When I was little, I had an aversion to green peppers and onions (which I suspect is are common yuck-foods for kids). Now, I don't mind them as long as they're not too overpowering. I also hated meatloaf, but I still hate that today so that hasn't changed much. Also I hated and still hate beets, sauerkraut, horseradish, pickles on hamburgers, and pretty much all chinese food (just the smell of any of those things makes me queasy).

Hates aside, I have been getting better. I've gotten over my hatred of sausage. I no longer refuse to eat chicken if it's not de-boned and/or de-skinned. Although I still think it's gross to eat it with bones/skin, I can (and do) eat it. I can even choke down fruit/veggies if theres only slight bruises on them, as opposed to the perfect quality test they used to undergo before I'd eat them.

That said, I haven't been eating as well as I should. On the plus side, I am eating a lot of fruit (as in..4+ oranges a day, along with another fruit like strawberries today), but since I'm not home I'm not eating a lot of veggies. My mom and dad are veggie obsessed, it's not supper unless there's a meat, veggie (or 2 or 3 if my dad has his way), and usually a starch (mashed potatos).

Here at school the vegetables are the weird kind (read: non-canned variety) and I can't bring myself to eat them because they just look so... odd. The green beans? Not the french cut style (yes, this is one area I am fussy, if I eat greenbeans they must be french style unless they're in ham & stringbean stew) that I'm used to, ohno, these are some weird long baked things with crunchy stuff sprinkled on. Cause you know, green with brown on top looks very appetizing (not!). Also, they serve squash on a regular basis. Squash! I've never eaten squash, and I never intend to. Another thing they serve that I won't eat? Mushrooms. We have mushrooms on a regular basis here at school- they serve it about 3 nights on something (chicken usually) every 3 weeks (the food schedule is made up of 3 weeks, repeated through the semester). Eew. Just the texture is enough to make me want to gag. Sometimes, on a supreme pizza, I spend a good amount of time picking it all off only to miss a piece and accidently put it in my mouth... I can't express how much I hate mushroom pizza.

Anyway, needless to point out again but I will, I'm not eating all that healthily here at school. Today I had a sandwich for lunch and another one for dinner. I think I'm just sick of cafeteria food... I'm starting to prefer eating a PB&J to going to the cafeteria.

Good thing I only have 18 more days of being on campus, then it's home for the summer! I'm really looking forward to some good fruits & veggies this summer. I'm practically drooling just thinking about it.

update

I've now done all of my work for the first 2 days of next week (Mon/Tues).
I'm still sick.
Coincidence?

See what being super-productive does?

It gets you sick! Well, it does in my case at least. And I don't want to hear about how everyone else in my immediate family and some in the dorm are sick, no, I'm blaming this cold on my surge of productivity.
I have done all of my work for this week (it's only Monday, and I've done everything for Tues/Weds/Thurs) except one little 1 page paper (precis) I have to write by Weds afternoon.
I've just realized that, including weekends and non-school days, I only have 16 days left til finals. Seeing as how the first 2 days of finals I have a 6 and a 4 page paper due, that kind of worried me a bit.
But too bad, right now I'm just going to concentrate on being sick. If only I hadn't used up my sick absent days for classes already...

my 'aha' moment

Thinking about it tonight, I've realized why I've been so quick to yell at my roommate lately. The thing is, not only do I not really like her much, but I've no respect for her. Yes, I respect her as a person, but just because I see her in human form, not because I think she's any type of person worth being around. And so since I don't respect her (and I don't even believe she's earned or deserves my, or anybody elses, respect) I'm less likely to treat her as I would everyone else.

Usually when I get mad you know it because I won't talk to you as much or in the same tones as before. And then once I'm past that stage I'll try to talk to you about it reasonably in normal tones and say why I'm upset and what my fault in it is and what your fault is and etc. And usually we can come both come out of it feeling better.

But with this roommate... any attempt to talk to her turns into her getting mega-defensive and yelling. And so now that I know this, I guess I cut to the quick and just start off in a yelling/awful tone. And without fail, that's the direction the should-have-been discussion goes. There's no middle ground for her, it's always a case of "I'm right, and you just dont understand why because of (whatever)." It's impossible for her to admit that she's wrong, or that she even has any part of the blame in any situation. Sometimes we (we being either myself or my other roommate, plus the roommate I'm talking about) are just in a normal conversation and one of us says something and she has to say how "this place is better" or "it's not like Boston!" Well duh, it's not Boston. If it were Boston, it wouldnt' be what I'm talking about seeing as how I've never been there. I've nothing against it, apparently it's an amazing place, but that doesn't have anything to do with what we were just talking about. And yet that's what the talk turns into- Boston (or the state she's from or X amount of other things she changes subject into).

Also, she's one of those people that only cares about her own problems. If she had a bad experience in her morning class, she's still talking about it over dinner. If you try to talk about something else, she gets this glazed look in her eye and if you get any answer at all its an 'uh-huh' and then in your mid-sentence she'll exclaim about her bad morning... again. For the 1,000th time.

Those are only a few of the reasons, but they're big issues as to why I cannot respect her. Now that I've realized how I really feel about her, I'm going to try to keep that in mind and not be so quick to anger or angry tones. Because it doesn't help the situation anyway, and I don't like myself as a person when I am like that.

So for my own, purely selfish, reasons I am going to try to shake the annoyed and angry tones next week. We'll see how it goes.

I had a lot of fun

at the bar. We left campus relatively early (10:30) and only stayed 3 hours, but it was plenty time enough to have a lot of fun and for 2 of the girls in my group to get drunk. That in itself was worth going for, they're the type of girls that are extremely happy and very amusing to watch when they're drunk. Everything's an adventure with them, especially when they're giddy from alcohol.

I didn't get drunk, I only had 1 GIANT Long Island Iced Tea and 1 (and a 1/2) Rum & Coke with lime. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the music, it was probably a combination of both, but I had a lot of fun and even loosened up enough to dance and sing. What's the harm in singing when its so loud that nobody can hear you? What's the harm in dancing when everyone at the bar is too drunk to remember you... or too drunk to be able to lift their own feet let alone do anything that looks like dancing.

The place was super-crowded, I spent half the night being bumped into. For a girl that doesn't like to be touched, I sure had a lot of people touching me that night (not that kind of touching, get your mind out of the gutter)! Usually I'd be uptight and freaked out by all the bumping-into that was going on, but I just adapted and went with the flow. Afterall, it's not like the people were bumping into anyone on purpose, there was just so many people there that they had to bump into someone to move in any direction.

And speaking of crowded... what is it with only having 2 ladies toilets on the main floor? There was easily 250 girls and TWO toilets. It was insane. I mean, there was only 1 toilet for the guys, but come on, guys don't use the bathroom near as much as women. And once I started drinking... sheesh! I used the bathroom twice in 3 hours and it took longer waiting in line than it did in the stall.

Bathrooms and bumping aside, it was a great night. I had a lot of fun and I'm glad I didn't call up my friend and chicken out at the last minute like I so desperately wanted to earlier in the day. I'm going again, I'm just not sure when. But I will bring a camera next time and take lots more pictures.

oh my...

Click here if you want to see me flashing someone.

easter baby!

All me:
yumm...eggs! (6months old)

Look mommie, I got one! (18 months)

Look at me all fancy (in my non-matching blue coat). (2years)

(2years old again)

The bunny made me cry! (2 or 3 years old?) My brother could care less about him...

Maybe one of the last times I voluntarily wore a dress: (4 or 5 years old?)


Happy Easter everyone!

the horse is dead, leave it alone!

Right now I'm limiting myself to just one thing that still irritates me, even though I have been extremely cranky (in my head at least, if not outward) and I can name 10 things that are irritating me at any given moment. I'm choosing not to write about them because I doubt it'll help and well, frankly, I don't feel like it. I'm just hoping that typing this one out will purge me of it, cause it's really becoming annoying having this laying in the back of my mind all the time.
Rant:
My suite-mate is a weird girl. She's a germaphobe, but not really. She only finds certain 'germy' things disgusting, so it's more like she has weird preferences instead of being an actual germaphobe. Anyway, about 3 months into the school year, she decided that the Dawn dish soap I had bought wasn't good enough, and that it needed to be replaced because it was "so old" and it was "disgusting that we still have it." It was 3 months old, there was still 3/4 of a bottle left, it was perfectly good dish soap!
Ok, fine. She wants to buy new dish soap. I don't argue about that, I try to pick my battles well and save the angst for the important stuff. Now, seeing as how it's the dish soap that I bought, wouldn't it make sense that it's my soap? Now, I don't know about you, but when I know something is someone elses, I don't throw it away just because I bought a new one. You're not supposed to throw stuff away that isn't your own! That's like rule number 2 in the 'how to be a good roommate' handbook (it follows #1: learn to use your indoor voice).
She didn't ask me to throw it away. She even waited til I was away to do it so I couldn't object. The whole incident really grated my cheese, so to speak.
And so now, in typical 'heather is pissed off' style, I'm using her soap as if it were mine. That means that I use a ton of it. What's that? The dishwater has more water than soap? Add some more! Need to get a stubborn stuck on piece of food off the plate? Pour the dish soap directly on the spot AND in the water. Feel like making a bubble sculpture? Go right ahead (granted, I haven't done this yet. But I want to!).
Afterall, to my calculations, she owes me a bottle of dish soap. And an apology.

No, I don't really care about the dish soap. It's the principle of the thing. It's what the dish soap stands for. You should not throw away stuff that isn't yours. Especially without permission and/or the owners knowledge.

*gasp*

I went to a bar last night! It was crowded, smelly, loud, and I loved it. I had so much fun. I had a long island iced tea and a rum & coke, but didn't get drunk. 2 of the 4 friends I went with did get drunk, so it was fun just watching them. Silly girls.
I even danced! Well, not dance really. You know how when a good song comes on you kind of move your body to the beat... but not like full out dancing? It was more like shaking or something, I don't know. But it was fun! And I was singing too. And it was so crowded and loud (they had a live band) that I could scream in someones ear and they could barely hear me, and I could barely hear myself.
This is a crappy post, but I'm just using it for a placeholder for the next one which will be much better.

start the sad music

I am very mad Frustrated. With a capital 'F'. Yes, that Frustrated.
I had a nice (very long! witty! great! highly entertaining and worthy of reading!) post.
...
Blogger ate it.
Apparently one image tag not being correct is enough for blogger to say "what? you wanted to post that? with that error? too bad, I'm eating it." and then off it goes, into blogger's stomach and I'm left postless. Even the 'recover post' didn't work. Didn't blogger used to have a warning that said something like 'post html code invalid'? If it does still, it certainly didn't warn me.
It's not saved as a draft. It's gone. I'm very sad.
You'll never understand how great it was
because you'll never get to see it.
I'm sorry.

(slow fade out of sad music)

This is whatever my fingers type.

I have such a headache right now. Actually, my head has been throbbing (feels like it's behind my forehead) ever since I woke up today. Today, not this morning, since I slept in til 12:30. I had stayed up til 2am so that's a 10+1/2 hour sleep. Not bad, considering the night before I had literally 2+1/2 hours sleep.

My car (for those who care) is being worked on right now. Hopefully, within the week I will have my lovely car back with a fresh new heater core... which means my car will have heat again! I didn't mind not having heat sometimes, but when your fingers start to feel numb and you're already wearing gloves, I guess it's time to give in and spend the money to get a new heater core installed. Sigh. Cars are expensive.

Expenses suck. Suuuuck. I went from having about $5,000 in debt (not including student loans) and about a 700 credit rating to having $8,000+ in debt and a really really low score. All within less than a year. And it sucks but I had to do it. My family needed me to pay this bill or that bill or etc for them. How can you say 'no, I don't want to pay the $250 heating bill even if it means you wont have heat this month?" You can't. I couldn't anyway. And I dont regret it, I would do (and I have done) it again. Family is more important than money, especially imaginary money that I don't even really ever touch.
That being said, my credit card bills total $160 a month. That's for the minimum payment. I work-study 8hours a week at 6ish dollars an hour= approx. $180 a month. If I miss a day (or a week, in terms of spring break) I'm screwed. Luckily I built up a cushion in anticipation of missing a few days, so I have about $50 in my account to cover that... but that cushion is about to disappear soon. I haaaate money. Or rather I hate the lack of it, not the money itself. Money smells good, I've always liked the smell of it. I know, I'm weird. ;)


Can you believe it's already almost time for me to pick my classes for the first semester of my Senior year? Its insane. I have so much that I want to do before college is over and so much less time to do it now. Why do I always procrastinate so much?

I have two 5 page papers to write. Pretty much by Sunday. I haven't started them yet. I also have 2 novels and 2 short stories to read. I'm on page 16 of the first novel. Oops. I'll just chalk it up to me putting the 'break' in Spring Break.

I have been extremely accident prone lately. Over the past week I've cut myself on a can of chilli, dropped a cast-iron rooster doorstop on my foot, kicked my super-sore toe into the edge of my bed, and accidently kicked my dad's shoe. It's been a painful week.

Ok, word vomit is over.

i am

• hungry. Very hungry.
• missing someone
• excited about them coming back soon
• annoyed by my paper due friday
• even more annoyed by my paper due 3/14
• stuffy-nosed
• pimple-faced (eew)
• multi-colored nail polished (purple on one hand, electric blue on other)
• allergic to my deodorant
• extremely itchy (see above)
• dreading work today/tomorrow/wednesday
• dreading wednesday's workday most of all
• skipping class on wednesday night
• printing tons of stuff at the computer lab before work
• getting sick of making this list

Happy Valentines Day

I got this carnation from someone (I don't know who, the note wasn't signed). Everyone in my suite got one from the annoynomous person. :) We think it was our RA but we're not sure. It wasn't our RA.
Between the carnation, a snow day, and my valentines pressie from my Mushyhoney, my day was great. :)

i am incredibly happy to announce

" 2/14/07 - Due to weather conditions, the college is CLOSED today (offices and classes)"
...A SNOW DAY!!!!

(no presentation today for me!)

a note for you :)

this test actually seems pretty accurate (as far as these things go)

Cautious Realist

found here

week 2= feels like week 9

So the semester has got off to a bit of a crazy start. My classes are finally settling into a pattern along with my work study, and they leave me a bit rushed at times (especially Wednesday) but all-in-all they're not too bad.

I left my cellphone at home, but luckily my mom sent it up (via first class mail) and it got here the very next day. Yay for the P.O. and my mom. It's amazing how lost you can feel once you get used to having something and then you all of a sudden don't have it anymore. It's like always wearing a watch, and forgetting it at home. You just feel incomplete without it.

Speaking of incomplete, I feel unclothed if I go outside wearing anything less than my heavy winter jacket, scarf, and mittens. It's absolutely cold outside! It was -14F with the windchill today. My oh my, winter has roared in with a vengeance and I am not liking it one iota.
My roommates and I have been... well, let's just say 'adjusting' is probably the proper word to use. One roommate in particular is driving the other two crazy, and no matter what there's always an excuse for the behavior from roommate A. It's just a bit annoying, but there's good times too so we'll manage.

And I finally, finally, finally got to hang out for a bit with my freshman year roommate and her best friend. I missed those two so much, and I hadn't realized how much until I got to hang out with them for a bit again. It was just like old times, we all watched TV together-- the tryouts part of American Idol season 8billion, and I made my little comments that just pop into my head and they laugh and tell me how much they love me. No wonder I missed hanging out with those girls, they're so incredibly sweet/nice/funny and we always have a great time. I must say, as much as I love my roommate now, my freshman year roommate was probably the perfect roommate to have for my freshman year. We had separate friends so we weren't in each other's face all the time, but yet we still got along well together. The good ol' days, I miss them sometimes.

But I still have a year and a half of college left, so who knows what kind of good will still happen, right?

oops

The links will be back later. I'm sick of looking at template code right now.

titles are over-rated.

New year new template new blog? Not quite yet, but I have big plans. I know, I promise big plans all of the time and they never pan out. Well forget about that, this is different. Because... well no particular reason other than I want it to be.
Guess what stupid thing I did? I got sick! I go back to school next week (Sunday, to be exact) and of course I would wait til my last week at home to get sick. Sigh. I guess it could be worse, hopefully by the time I actually go to classes/work I'll be over my cold. I hate feeling stuffy-headed through class, I'm that way normally I don't need a cold to 'help'!
This post was supposed to be longer, but somewhere in the writing I lost my words. Apparently from my head to the keyboard is too long of a journey, some words just get lost.

Happy New Year

Is it ok to say Happy New Year to someone, even after Jan 1st? My mom does it all of the time (ex.- she said it to the cashier as we were leaving store today) and it drives me absolutely insane. But, on the other hand, I don't mind if an online friend says it (or I say it to them) and it's not Jan1st. I think it must have to do with me not talking to my online friends as much so time kind of stops for them where as in the 'real' world time has already moved past New Years day.
It doesn't make sense, I know.
Anyways, Happy New Year. ;-)