All that I want to say right now

is that I feel like No Doubt's 'Don't Speak' lyrics are really, really relevant. And I hate this feeling.

I did it!

I knew I was going to. There was no doubt in my mind that I would. But let me tell you, I was so relieved when it was over.
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What? My final paper for Irish Drama, of course. 9.5 pages
Now all I have left is

• 8+ pages for 19th Century Philosophy*
• 3 pages for Folk & Fairy Tale (due Thurs. by 4:37pm)
• Final draft of my 3 page Philosophy of Religion paper*
• Final test for my Philosophy of Religion class (1pm Thursday)

* Due anytime before Friday afternoon. I will most likely get them done sometime Thursday night and hand them in Friday morning (or very late Thurs. night) because I'm going home on Friday morning. Home. For a whole month. I'm not sure if I'm happy about that not or yet, I will let you know. Assuming, of course, I can get online at all, as we only have 1 computer with (dial-up) internet access.

~I changed the font just because I like how the numbers look in this font better than the old one

I <3 weekends

For my 2:30pm breakfast I had a few spoonfuls of Turkey Hill's Tastykake kandykake ice cream. yummmmm.

Yahoo IM isnt working and I'm bored

You know, I could be using this down time to do some school work. But let's be realistic here. We all know I wouldn't do schoolwork just because I have some free time.
So instead I took pictures.
I sketched this in my Folk & FairyTales class a few weeks ago... (each character on a seperate day... the guy was from someone's shirt, the 'cat' thing I made up in my head).

They weren't sketched together, I just thought it'd be funny if I cut the paper to make it look like the guy was yanking the cat's tail and that would explain the cat's face anyway...

hah.

what I learned today:

Guys are very idiotic in groups.
Girl groups of more than 3 are very annoying.
Put a bunch of girls together at a lunch table with a bunch of guys and it gets much, much worse.

My Lazy Weekend.

This weekend was supposed to be a whirlwind of assignments getting accomplished. Guess what? Didn't happen. Here it is, 2:30 on Sunday afternoon and I've yet to complete any of my 3 assignments. I did start 2 of them, but not to any satisfactory level. I just can't get up any enthusiasm over them.

One is a presentation for my Irish Drama class. I'm doing a powerpoint (because that's the easiest) and it has to be 15 minutes long. And I do mean long, because 15 minutes seems like an impossible amount of time to fill with just me talking by myself. So far I have the Cover slide done and that's it. I do have a bunch of websites that relate to the presentation, but I'm not at all organized yet. I'm not sure how I want my presentation to go, what to put in and what to leave out and what to make 3 slides on and what to only make 1 on. I wonder how many slides this should be?

The second assignment I started is actually what I was working on before I got stuck and decided to blog. It's a philosophy of religion paper, 3-5 pages (doublespaced). It won't be that hard, I just have to organize myself better. Maybe make a layout of the essay, that might help me know what I'm doing and not just summarize the readings (because he hates when I just summarize). It's all about my opinion opinion opinion. And the thing is, like most of my class, I don't really have an opinion about this crud! I'll just pick an opinion based on what will give me the most words to write.

Why do the words come so easily for blogger but not for presentations/papers?

*update: I finished my phil. of religion paper! Exactly 3 pages, yay!
*update2: another thing done! (the 3rd of the 3 things-- I just have my presentation left!)

Sometimes

I get resentful of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, she's one of my best friends. But sometimes I wish I had a single room. She almost always goes home for the weekend (she only ever stayed an entire weekend once before) and so when I stay here for the weekend (about once a month?) I enjoy the peace and quiet I have. At home I have to deal with being everyone's taxi driver, driving so-and-so here or picking up so-and-so from there. And I have to be the tension reliever, defuse arguments and such. But when I stay here for the weekend it's like my escape. Here I'm just me. I can sleep however late I want, do my assignments when I want, and worry only about myself.

This weekend I decided to stay on campus. And guess what? Due to some storms and bad roads, my roommate is staying too. And so I have a whole weekend of her music and her silly Japanese videos on her computer playing so I can hear them. My peace and quiet is gone.
It's partly my fault that my quiet is gone. I could ask her to put her headphones on, and she would without a complaint. But then I'd feel like a grouch and it wouldn't help much anyway because she'd still laugh (out loud) at things and at least with the headphones off I can know what she's laughing at (which is better than not knowing).

I don't know. I just wish I had my alone time this weekend. Time to play my music that I wouldn't play with her here because I know she doesn't like it. Time to myself. And I'll get a few hours time to myself when she goes home for a few hours tomorrow, but that time will be spent with me frantically trying to write my essays in the few short hours of peace and quiet I have. I need everything else to be quiet when I write so I can mumble and read out loud and talk myself through my writing ('what? move that here and this here. that sounds bad. delete this. save this for later. that might be a good concluding sentence. Reference? where'd I get that quote from?'). I can't write out loud with someone else here!

sigh. Another not so happy post from me. If I had my camera I'd post a pic of me smiling so you'd know I'm not always miserable/frustrated. But that camera is at home so I guess you'll just have to imagine it, ok? Or, better yet, go check out my flickr photos. I'm sure there's one of me smiling in there somewhere.

oh :p to mushy

I haven't blogged because there isn't much to blog about lately. Although, I was thinking about posting my most recent story here... but seeing as how I got such a great response last time (sarcasm) I think I'll skip it for now.
I keep changing my mind about everything. One minute I'm happy where I am, with who I am. The next minute I wish I could completely change myself into some other form of myself. I should be smarter than I am. I should be skinnier, I should be prettier. I should do more for myself and say more when something (or someone) is bothering me. I should exercise more, be healthier. And the suckiest thing of all? Most of that I can change, it would just require effort. And sometimes I want to put that effort in, but most of the time I don't want to bother.

I've been thinking about my future a lot lately. Some of it is mushy's fault :p I keep coming up with all of these 'some-day' scenarios. Someday I'd like to be married. maybe. I know I at least want kids--- some day. I want to love someone soooo much and be loved the same (or more) back. I want to have my job and be successful at it and love it and come home at the end of the day to my guy and my kids and be happy. And other days I think I'd just be content to be one of those girls that lives in an apartment all by herself and is supporting herself by herself. With a dog.

That's one thing I'm sure of--- I want one of those HUGE mini-horse dogs. And I will have one, no matter which of those scenarios plays out, the dog is the only constant. I don't even know what I want to do for a living, but I want that dog!

Blah blah blah blah. Even I get sick of my babbling.

Introducing...

my newest love.



I finally have a cell phone again (this one)!! And mine is a LOT prettier than the one in the picture!

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

reasons to love halloween:

• The costumes!
• Cute little kids! (not the evil horrible ones that ask for a different kind when you give them a random piece of candy. grr to them.)
• Getting playfully scared is FUN!
• Because it's so close to Thanksgiving/Christmas and the stores need the shelf space...
• Week old halloween candy is 75% off!!!!

its my birthday

I'm 21! And I bought a steak to cook myself for my birthday dinner. Yumm. I can't wait for that.

a class assignment

The first half is the story given to us, after the -----s is the part I wrote.

Once upon a time there lived a king and a queen, and that queen had a wickedly evil mother-in-law. When the king went off to war, the old queen had her daughter-in-law locked up in a musty room in the cellar, and her two little boys were also locked up with her. One day she thought to herself, I would love to eat one of the 2 children, whereupon she summoned the cook and had him go down to the cellar to get one of the little boys and slaughter him and prepare him for cooking.

“What kind of sauce should I prepare?” asked the cook. “A brown one,” replied the old queen.

The cook went down to the cellar and said: “Oh my queen, the old queen wants me to slaughter and cook your son tonight.” The young queen was deeply distressed and said: “Why can’t we just take a baby pig instead? You can cook it just as she wanted and tell her that it’s my child.”

The cook did just that and presented the roasted suckling in a brown sauce: “Here’s the child.” And she ate it with a hearty appetite.
Soon the old woman thought to herself, the flesh of that child was so delicate and tasty, I’ll just have to eat the other one too. She summoned the cook, sent him to the cellar, and ordered him to slaughter the second son.

“In what kind of sauce should I cook him?” “A white one,” replied the old queen.

The cook went down the stairs and said: “Now the old queen has ordered me to slaughter and cook your second little son.” The young queen said: “take a suckling pig and cook it the way she likes it.”

The cook did just that and presented the suckling pig to the old woman in a white sauce, and she ate it with an even heartier appetite.

Finally the old woman thought to herself: “Now the children are in my body, and I can eat the young queen herself.” She summoned the cook and ordered him to cook the young queen.

-----

The third time the queen tells the cook to slaughter a young hind, but this time he was to add to it the herbs she found in the basement. The queen knows the potion will put the old queen to sleep, and this may be the one and only chance they have to escape because the children’s’ crying is getting louder every day and soon the old queen will hear them and figure everything out.

The old queen eats the young hind with much more gusto than the previous dishes. “This is the best meal I’ve ever had. I hope my son’s next wife will taste as good.” The old queen then fell into a deep slumber, and did not awaken for six days until the king came home from the war.

“Mother, wake up, I’m home. Where are my children and my wife?” he asked the old queen. “Oh son, I’m so glad to see you” she said while wiping the sleep from her eyes and thinking fast. “I have bad news. When you left to fight in the war, your wife became very upset. She was so upset that she decided to jump off a cliff, and she took the children with her. I tried to stop her of course, but she wouldn’t listen to reason.”

Upon hearing of his family’s death, the king goes mad with grief. “Mother, I demand that you take me to the spot they jumped from. The whole kingdom must pay their respects and pray for their souls.”

“Of course you’re right” the old queen agreed. “But I must warn you, there was a terrible storm the day after it happened, so it may have washed away their bodies.”
Naturally the cliff was a great distance away, at the far edge of a forest and would take many days for the Royal party to reach.

On the journey the king took many people from the palace. The king commanded that everyone that loved the young queen must go with, and since she was loved by all that met her (except the old queen), many servants, scullery maids, the cook, and even animals made the journey.

Three days into the journey the Royal party came across a path that was known to be frequented by thieves and would be near impossible to travel on without being robbed. Sure enough, not even halfway down the path the Royal carriage was surrounded by a group of dirty ruffians.

“Let us pass, or it shall be the death of you!” warned the king while drawing his sword. Suddenly, miraculously to his ears, he heard the voice of his beloved deceased queen telling him no harm would come to them. “Who dares to pretend to be my beloved dead queen?” he questioned with rage. “Show yourself! I will not have you sullying the image of my beloved!” To his amazement, it was the young queen that stepped forward. The king had not noticed her before because of the dirt and rags she was covered with, but there was no mistaking her now.

“My love, I have much to tell you. But first I ask that you lock your Mother in the carriage, because she will surely try to escape before I’m finished.”
“As you wish, my queen” said the king, who was so amazed at the queen’s resurrection that he would have done anything she asked. The young queen then told the king everything that had happened while he was away, from being locked up in the cellar to the old queen wishing to eat the children and her, and then finally of the escape they made with the help of the cook.

The king was outraged, as any good husband would be. He then ordered that the old queen would be punished severely; she was to spend the rest of her days in the cellar where she had locked his family previously, but because she lied to him she would spend it without her tongue. The king allowed his wife the pleasure of watching while he cut off the old queen’s tongue.

The king sealed the old queen’s fate with a declaration: “I hereby declare that as soon as we arrive back at the palace the old queen will be put in the cellar and will never be heard from again. The day will be marked by a celebration of my family being reunited, and everyone is required to attend and the main course at the dinner shall be Broiled Tongue.”


Update: I recieved the grade on this story, and I was actually quite surprised (and disappointed) that I got a 'B' on it.

I'm procrastinating...

I'm supposed to be writing a 3-5 page paper. It's only supposed to be a rough draft, and there's 2 choices. Option 1 is expanding on a topic I already wrote about for a short thought response paper plus answering another question, whereas option 2 is starting from scratch and figuring out what I'm trying to say as I write the paper.
I'm leaning towards option 2, because I've been staring at option 1 for the past 3 hours and so far haven't changed anything but the header (I changed it from Heather Answer to Q1 to 'Heather Paper 1'). Maybe if I use the 2nd option I'll be able to just let things flow?
This blog was supposed to get the words out of my head and start flowing so I could better write my paper and not have a mental block... Hm.
Here's hoping...

My blog is FOUR years old!

congrats to the bride & groom

me @ a wedding
Originally uploaded by Heather.

The one and only picture I took of me that day. The wedding was nice. The ceremony was short, the reception was long, and my mom & sis had a lot of fun dancing.

oops

It's a bit difficult to post pictures when I leave my camera cord at home.

new dorm room layout!

back @ school

I'm happy to report that my computer now has an internet connection! It hasn't had one since May when I left for the summer. It was sadly missed. Oddly, I didn't clear out the history before I packed up my laptop for the summer, and so I have a whole browser history full of odd websites that I have no idea why I visited them... and also some really cool sites that I had forgotten about. It's strange looking through my old haunts but it sure makes for a lot of interesting archive reading to catch up!
...Not that I'll have time to catch up. Class starts tomorrow at 6pm, but before that I have to buy all of my books and unload the truckful of stuff that my parents are bringing up for me and then unpack it all. Yikes.

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is back to campus day! Yikes!!! I do NOT want to go back. I mean, I'm sure once I'm there and in the 'groove' of things, I'll be fine and loving it again. But as of right now, I just have no desire whatsoever to attempt to get back into my groove. Even buying folders and matching notebooks for each class and then organizing them with the Day/Time/Class/Room-# still didn't put me in the mood to go to class.
Here's my schedule:

I'll try to post more often, hopefully with pictures :)

wow

Um.. Time flies fast when you're... well, busy I guess. I couldn't say having fun, but life isn't miserable at the moment either so we'll just leave it at busy, ok?

I'm wondering if I should delete my hosting account/URL. What do you people think? IF I do delete it, I'll just go back to my old one (http://aliengurl.blogspot.com) since that's free and easy enough to do. I kind of hate to give up this though, it's like my own little spot on the web. Even if I don't do anything with it, it's nice to have.

On the other hand... I'm also thinking about re-doing this site completely. Having an entrance page with links to journal/pics/whathaveyou. However this seems like entirely too much work for me. And I only have like 10 days left of vacation so maybe that's not such a good thing to undertake right now.

10 days left before school begins again. I'll be a junior! Impossible. I find it astonishing to think that I'm on the 2nd half of my college years now. And I've changed my mind, in one of my entire-life altering decisions I've decided NOT to become a lawyer. This subject has come up a lot as various friends find out I"m going back to school...
"back to the law books huh?"
--"no, I've decided not to be a lawyer."
"What are you taking now?"
--"I'm an english and philosophy major"
"So you're going to be a teacher."

Ahhhh! Honestly, I thought about becoming a teacher. And I decided I most likely won't be able to do it. I don't have the dedication it takes to grade papers when I'd rather be doing other stuff, nor do I have the patience to teach and inspire people to learn what they really don't want to. I just can't see myself becoming a teacher. And so when I answer negatively, I'm asked what I'm going to do then. "I don't know" is my reply. And I get a negative shake of the head. As if it really matters to them whether or not I'm happy with my career choice. Excuse me for not wanting to wake up when I'm 30ish and realize I hate my job. I want to be happy, dangit! :)

yay

yay!!!! My blog is finally working again! Wooohooooooo. It's weird, I stopped updating for awhile and didn't miss it, but as soon as it broke and I couldn't update, I missed it terribly.
The links/template and such will be fixed/changed soon. :)

strange words, blame shakespeare

Today my class performed what I've dubbed as 'Hamlet:Reloaded'- that's not it's official title but I think it fits because from that title you can tell that it's Shakespeare's Hamlet and the Matrix all rolled up into one happy 25min play. And that was the final for our Shakespeare class. It's had me in quite a tizzy lately, as I've tried to meet with the rest of the group members, work out drafts of the script, and memorize lines all at the same time. And of course we only started preparing for this about 2 weeks ago. Granted I didn't have a huge role in the play, but just knowing that I had a choice between complete memorization of lines or being able to hold my script but be guarunteed not to get an A on my performance was quite frazzling. After attempting to run through without mistakes, I decided that I would keep my script on me just in case I needed it.

And happy am I to tell you that I only needed it a little bit. I'm glad I had it, but even so I probably could have stumbled through it alone.
And now I bid Horatio (in Shakespeare, or Link, as in the Matrix) goodbye, and it is time for me to concentrate on the rest of my finals.

I had a religion final at 8am this morning that I'm betting I got a high B or a low A on. So I'm fine with that. And that 8 page paper that I wrote in one day? I got an A on that. So... as far as I can tell, I should be getting an A in my American Catholicism class. Not bad for someone who's not even catholic... or even overtly religious, eh?

3 finals down, 2 to go. I'm done with Sociology (it was just a dinner since it's a seminar class), American Catholicism, and now Shakespeare. All I have left are the worst subjects-- Biology and Statistics. I'm hoping that I'm well prepared for the bio test. It's not cummulative, it's just on the past 3 chapters we just did... I studied for it... hopefully I should be ok. As for the statistics, well, I have all day tomorrow to study for that since my Biology final will be over with around 9am.
So that's my day tomorrow. Final then study for a final.
oh!
and I may be going home because... drumroll please... the broken car may be fixed. Lordy I hope it is, they've had it for almost 2 months now. It'd be perfect if it was fixed because then I could have my mom come and get me from school, take me home, and then I can just drive the car back. It's her day off tomorrow, so that's good timing there. And then she'd have a car to go to work on Thursday, and I'd have a car here to just pack up all my junk and leave without having to wait and go through the hassle of packing with mom and my sister here...
Yes, that'd be splendid if the car was fixed. So you know what? It probably won't be ready by tomorrow. Because that's how life is. You make plans and say well this works out perfectly and then *poof* something doesn't happen. 'Tis life. And as much as I'd like to be Suzy Sunshine and say it'll work out, it probably won't. And as long as I'm expecting that, I won't be too upset when I found out I'm right.

Wow, that wasn't supposed to turn into a downer of a post. Oops. I'm half upset about school ending, half happy. Happy the work is over, but sad that (this is where I seem selfish which I am) I won't have my own internet connection and my poor baby wonderful laptop will have to spend all summer in a bag not being used. It doesn't like it at my house if I don't have an internet connection, it freaks out and won't load properly for some reason. Eh. Poor me, I have a laptop and I'm still complaining. Such a whiner. Oh, and another reason to be sad? I'll miss my roomates. Pain in the butt that they are, they're still my friends and I shall miss them over the summer, and I highly doubt we'll talk much so it really will be like I'm leaving them. Woers me.
Good thing I'll be busy with work! (no, that wasn't sarcastic, I'm looking forward to it. And I have new outfits to wear since the store's decided to adopt a uniform look. yay!)

summer plans

So I have this summer all planned out already. There will be no special trips/vacations, they wouldn't be much fun without dad anyway and he wont be out for another 3 months... around Aug. 10th...
This summer will be spent working as many hours as the store will give me. I know I said I didn't want to go back to work there, but really it's best. My mom works there now, all of the people that know me from when I worked there love me (thats not an exaggeration, they really do ask about me all of the time and ask my mom when i'm coming back to work etc). Mom and I will get to carpool, I'll be getting half-decent money, and I'll be back mainly in the section i like- Jewelry dept.
That in itself was a big drama for me. Contrary to how I may come across, I'm not one for confrontation. So when I was told I could come back to work whenever I wanted to start, I expected to be put back in jewelry since the manager of jewerlry said they needed help and I was great there and I actually liked it (most people find it boring, but I liked it for some reason and occupied myself).
However, I was told by the main boss (Ms.J) wouldn't be put back in jewelry. "Maybe a few hours, but mainly register... maybe we'll train you for the service desk too.." Aggggh!! I was seething. I even thought of not working there at all, since I couldn't have the dept. I wanted. (Yea, I'm that stubborn, and I do have other options available... it just would have been easiest to work there..)
Anyways, long story shorter, the jewelry manager tells my mom today that she had a long talk with Ms J. about me (without even knowing the drama that I was going through) and told her that they NEED someone in jewelry and she wants me IN JEWELRY at least 20 hours a week and not on register/service desk etc. And then when my mom said that that's good because I was mad about not getting jewlerly and contemplating not working there at all, the jewelry manager freaked out and said that I will definetly get my hours in jewelry and said I cant go anywhere else. :)

So my summer will be spent working 30+ hours a week (although not full time [40] i bet because then i'd have to get benefits etc and they wont do that) and then in my free time...

I'm going to try to scrounge up the energy/desire to draw for an hour a day. Sometime somehow. My mom pointed out to me that I was a lot less stressed and a lot more "normal" (as in, not crying in a 1hour car ride for no real reason) when I was sketching every day. And I really did like it. And I was half decent at it (that's as far as I'll compliment it- people have told me I'm pretty good but I criticize myself and see all the flaws that people overlook and dont see).
So this summer I'll be working and sketching. And maybe that'll make me normal again. And then Fall of Junior year will start and I'll be crazy again.
What a vicious cycle. :)

new template!

As promised. Short explanation for my choice: I like it. Longer explanation: Every once in awhile I get these little 'kicks' as I like to call them. I'll become obsessed with something. Generally it's food, although oddly enough usually it's something healthy for me- such as in the past it was peas (I'd eat JUST a can of peas for dinner- because thats what I wanted), and some of you may remember the green-bean obsession inspired template (that was during the phase where I ate tons of snap/green beans from the grocery store- I hated fresh ones and didnt want canned for some reason). Of course, I've also had the unhealthy kicks for pizza everyday for a couple weeks (too expensive!), and then there was the literal 4 months where all I ate was ham & cheese sandwiches...
Can you guess what my new obsession is?
Ok, I'll give you a minute to think about it.
...
Ready?
Yep, oranges. Sunkist Navel oranges to be specific, and not the organic modified kind or whatever funky thing that was that I tried the other week. It said Sunkist Naval oranges, it looked like Sunkist Navel oranges, but it lied cause it wasn't! Tasted like a grapefruit orange, looked like a grapefruit on the inside, but it wasn't a grapefruit either.
And by obsessed, I mean I can eat 6 oranges easily in one sitting.
And yes, I know I'm weird.

sarcasm?

I love how people pretend to care.

bad

Sorry, I know my template is messed up right now... I'm drowning in schoolwork, and I won't have time to fix it this week. Well, maybe this weekend. ASAP, ok?

lyrics

I have too many songs running through my head. It's annoying when they
alternate chorus lines for more than one song at the same time. Here's the
most prominent lyrics "Hey jealousy..."(counting crows) "...All our dreams have
run dry"('she partII' thornbird)... over and
over in my head. And occasionally my head decides to finish the lyrics to the
thornbird song, and/or switch to another thornbird song completely. And while
I love thornbird, all of the songs that I've been getting in my head are
sad/heartbreak ones and it's like my normal not upset self is at war with the
lyrics.
My sister loves it when I just randomly start singing lyrics in a loud off-key
voice *wink*

As you may have noticed

I did some redecorating! (ok, francey did) I thought it was time to welcome Spring, even if it's not entirely here yet. A day or two of nice warmth and sunshine, followed by days of gloomy rain. But yea well, at least it's coming, right? *Update*it bloody SNOWED today!
I wasn't sure completely about using this because it's very bright and the line spacing is a little bigger than I'm used to... so if you have any problems seeing it or if it's too hard to read or if you just dont' like it in general, let me know. I was just bored tonight so I thought I'd brighten things up a bit.
Yes, that's right, I was bored. I studied for my bio quiz that's tomorrow morning and I even did most of my assignments for thursday. This time change has really thrown off my schedule, but it's allowing me to get tons of work done and feel like I have free time. Strange, eh?
Ok, I don't feel like bringing down my new template with some not so cheerful thoughts that I've been having lately, so I'm just going to stop talking soon and tell everyone to enjoy your night/day (or what's left of it). Don't take for granted the little things and the people you love, cause you never know what may happen. Enjoy while you still have them. :)

new pics

New pics by/of me are now on my flickr account. If you look at one/them, comment pleeease. Either on there or on here :)

pay attention!

No, not you. I bet you, unlike another friend of mine, know I'm self-conscious. She actually didn't believe me when I said I was. She said I don't act like I am. Umm... has she ever met me? I'm nervous/self-conscious/scared about everything! I just don't let OTHER people act that way, if they're down on themselves I try to boost them up. Doesn't mean I don't do it to myself.

:)

After a very stressful week, and a semi-stressful weekend, I'm back at school. And I'm not even upset about it, cause this week should be much better.
Oh yea, and I'm almost officially double majoring---- English + Philosophy. Yup, Philosophy! I'm so much more excited about my next semester now.

new haircut!

I had my haircut today for the first time in a whole year! And it felt so good! Not the cutting itself, but the nice shampoo job beforehand. Ahhhhh. The pics I took of it don't really show my hair, except this one:

She put a bunch of junk in my hair and used a diffuser and viola! Tons of curls! Which I like, but I couldn't wait for them to get out so my hair could do its normal thing. And now my scalp is itchy from all the gunk and I can't wait for tomorrow to just see how it looks in it's normal curly/wavy self without messing with it. All natural style.

After spring break..

I plan on being better. Yes, my grades at midterm weren't bad, you may even say pretty good, but I mean better at being me. You see, last semester I wasn't myself. I think I've changed a lot, but some of the things I've just picked up doing just aren't ME and I want to go back to how I used to be.
Examples:
I never smile at people anymore. Freshman year i'd smile and say hi to people (even if i didn't know them) as I was walking to/from class. This year I put my head down and only smile if they say hi to me and they get a 'hey' back usually. I hate that. I don't know why I stopped being friendly, but it's irritating and I'm going to have to consciously break the cycle.

I've stopped caring how I dress. This is kind of strange because I work in a financial aid office so you'd think I'd want to dress nicely since everyone else does, but it's not required and so I don't take the extra time. I think partially it's because my body's changed a bit (for the worse!) and the clothes that I think used to be nice aren't AS nice anymore and so I don't bother. However... that's going to change too. No more going to class with mainly wet hair, it has to be almost dry so it looks like i care at least enough to dry it... No more throwing on the same outfits every week... I have over 50 shirts and I only wear maybe like 8 of them... I know you're not supposed to care what you look like in college, practically everyone wears sweats, but sheesh it'd be nice to look nice every once in awhile.

Ok so that's it. 2 not major issues, but they're do-able so I shall get them accomplished and start feeling better about myself. Right? Right.

and the verdict is/was...

Five months.



The judge took the 1 month that my dad's lawyer was going for, and deducted that from the 6 months the prosecutor was going for, and calls that fair. How is that fair? That's not even splitting the difference! ugh.

But, he may get transfered to our county's jail, and then after that he's been preapproved for an ankle bracelet so... It'll just be him in there for a couple of weeks til he can get transfered. I won't complain since he (most likely) will be getting an ankle bracelet. It just sucks that the judge decided to say 5 months in jail. What if he can't get transfered and we actually do have to live without him for 5 months?

How I'm spending my Spring Vacation...

So apparently what I thought was the flu that was going around school, really wasn't what I caught. See, on Thursday I woke up feeling rather horrid, froggy throat and all. Yea well no school on Thursday let my fever-racked body rest/sleep all day, and thanks to a snowstorm and good timing, I got to go home early enough on Friday that I could sneak in with my mom to her doctor's appointment. Lo and behold, I don't have the flu. Nope. Instead I have bronchitis.
Also, my mom's heart problems turns out to be stress related, and so her immune system is down, so I'm trying not to infect her while I spend my days laying on the couch watching one of the 3 tv channels we have.
I'm getting better though. Yesterday I wouldn't have had the energy to type this, so that's saying something, isn't it?
Tomorrow we find out how long my dad goes in for...

hullo world

I don't really have much to say, hence the lack of posts. My dad's court date was postponed for 2 weeks due to my mom is now having heart problems. She had a bunch of tests done and they still didn't find out what's wrong... she has more tests tomorrow morning. All I know is I hate when she's in pain and I hate that her heart isn't working like it should. She gets a rapid heartbeat and really tired at the same time.. at the weirdest times. You'd think it'd be only when she was active or something but it's not. So if you believe in God, please pray for her. If you don't, please at least send positive energy her way.. She's a great person with tons of people who love her and want her to get better.
I go on Spring Break this coming Friday... I'm going to spend it at home with my family, helping out my mom and saying goodbye to my dad. Prosecution wants 6months, but dad's lawyer is going to try to talk the judge into 3. Either way we'll be without a dad and mom without a husband for 3 months while she's getting tested/diagnosed with her heart problems. She was going to get a job too to pay bills so she could have some money while he's in there ....
sigh.
See why I don't post? I'd rather just forget it all.

blogger ate my post!

*tear* I suppose I should have read status.blogger.com more carefully.. especially the part where it says to copy your old posts before you republish because they might not show up again. And I didn't! All I wanted was to republish to get the comments working again but then it deleted the whole post! I'm sad now.
*UPDATE!!!*

Thanks to bloglines not updating right away (wow, who thought I'd be happy for that?) I found my post that got deleted! Here it is:

Originally Posted on: Fri, Feb 17 2006 11:44pm

I'm not sure what to say...

but I thought I'd post anyway. I'm bored. I'd like to be doing something, but I'm not sure what since it's 11:30pm and I have no life when I'm home... can't go out anywhere, since I've no car to do so (my parents would freak out if i took their car... actually they'd freak out if I went out this late now so as it is). There's no place to go anyway. I'm not old enough to get into the local bar/music place, not that I'd really want to anyway. Although they do play good music and I wouldn't have to drink... but it doesn't matter since I won't be old enough for another 8months.
Wow only 8 months until I'm 21! It doesn't really mean anything anyway, not like I'll be drinking or anything. But at least I'll be able to get into places, even if I'm not going to drink...


My dad's court date is on Tuesday. This is the day he'll be going to jail most likely. He finds out for how long, and then he serves his time right away (as far as we know). So this weekend is all I have left to spend with my dad before he goes away.. on vacation as we used to call it when he went to jail... for anywhere from one month to sixteen months. We're all praying for it to only be a month but I bet it will be longer. It's going to be so rough, I cry when I think about it now. So I try not to, in typical heather fashion- I ignore the things that make me upset. Someone's got to be strong and since I'm the oldest...


---- change of topic ---


I'm tired. Maybe because I'm thinking of how much work I have to do this weekend, and how like I ALWAYS do, I procrastinated it until now even though I had all week to do it. I have 120 pages of 'America After Tocqueville' to read for my sociology class on Monday... the work is due sunday by email and I have to write a 3 page essay outlining the ideas he presents in the last chapters. Thank goodness he grades extremely easy, the last paper I handed in was "skimpy and a little short- needs more in depth analyasis" (it was only 1 1/2 pages) but I still got an A- on it. He tries extremely hard not to give out anything lower than a B+. And with my GPA last semester, I need all of the help I can get. Oh, and I have to read Henry the... Fith I believe for my Shakespeare class and then write up a 300 word post by Monday at 4pm. You would think I'd learn not to procrastinate, since I do this every week. I always say I'll get it done early, and this Thursday I even attempted to get it done... I read 20 pages of Tocqueville before falling asleep and giving up. And I haven't opened it since. Someone smack me. Please.


On a better note, I've decided that as soon as I get a bit of 'extra' cash (is there really such a thing?) I'm going to buy myself a DVD of 'A Man Apart' because I absolutely adore this movie. I've seen it 5 times, it's actually getting to the point where my dad even notices that we've seen it before (and he never notices that stuff). I just love it, and no not cause of Vin Diesel (I'm not a big fan of his) I just like the movie.


Ok, I think it's time to end this post. Congrats if you read it all, I don't blame you if you didn't, leave a comment and I'll love you forever (...maybe). ;)

and now for some useless quick info

Breakfast is quickly becoming my favorite meal of the day.

except when it's pasta night- that wins, hands down.

I have to go to breakfast in 15mins.

I still have to get ready.

I love talking on yahoo IM. and AIM but not as much as yahoo. I've been talking to my roomate on AIM when we're only literally an arm-length away from eachother. We're both weird like that.

I took a lot of time this weekend to shave. I like to take my time on things that involve a razor blade. First electric out of the shower, and then blade in the shower.

My 2nd roomate just left for class.

I had a 99.0F fever last night but I felt like I was on fire. The only 2 things that made me feel better were putting my head on the freezing cold brick wall by my bed, and talking on IM to distract me. It worked, fever's gone today. Not that 99.0 is much of a fever anyway.

Everyone is complaining about the fact that there's a cake pan in the living room that's been there for 2 weeks but nobody has cleaned it up because they'd rather just complain to everyone else about it instead of telling the girl who put it there. I don't complain, I don't care that it's there. I feel that if it bothered me enough to complain about it, I'd just throw it away myself and then nicely say 'oh I threw away that paper/pan thing, it was getting kind of nasty after 2 weeks.' Isn't that better than complaining? Why is there so much drama in this place??

That wasn't really quick since now I have like 9 minutes to get ready and someone just jumped in the shower so I can't use the bathroom. Oops.

i got a booboo

I am a slight masochist, and today I decided to mutilate my finger in bio cause I was bored and it was bothering me. I was going to upload the photo to my flickr (there's new pics on there, go look) but it wouldn't take a decent picture. stupid pictures.

lovey lyrics by Marc Cohn

I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love
Well I hope that I don’t fall in love with you
‘Cause falling in love just makes me blue

I think this song is just so beautiful. And not that there's a particular person I'm talking about, but this just fits my mood lately. I want no part of love. Not now, probably not ever. It just hurts too much. Love is whats making my mom stay with my dad. Love is what is making people put up with horribly destructive ways. Love is what makes my friends all go crazy. And it puts people in situations that, if they weren't experiencing this emotion, even they would see as crazy. As that song goes, love hurts.

Today my mom was saying "Just stay away from guys. I know you want love, but it's not worth it" That surprised me. I totally didn't expect her to say that she knows I want love, because I'm always saying how much of a pain it has to be. And sure, she laughed afterwards to show that she was partly kidding, but she also partly wasn't. Love makes you go through so much. And I guess if you love this person you'll go through the things willingly to have that love. But is life so bad without it? I guess it has to be, if so many people want love so bad.

Can we help falling in love? I'd like to think so, but the more I explore it, the more I doubt that we can. As that song goes, he doesn't want to fall in love with her... and one of the last lines is "I think that I just fell in love with you." So that'd mean no, we can't control it.

I hate that it can't be controlled. I'm not even in love, and I'm already miserable just thinking about it.

(Perhaps this post was inspired by the thought of going back to college this Sunday, a place that is more than 75% girls (the majority of whom fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat)...)

I guess I should while I still can?

That's the attitude I had upon waking up after a 5 1/2 hour nap. That's right, I apparently just slept for 5 1/2 hours, only waking up now (at almost 11pm). I didn't feel like watching the action movie my dad had rented, so I decided to go take a little nap instead. My mom said that my dad even asked me after that movie (in about the middle of my nap) if I wanted to watch March of the Penguins and I said no. I don't remember him even asking! I don't really mind much, I may as well nap when I can because this upcoming semester starts this coming Monday and I am going to be working my tail off to get better grades than I did this past semester (I don't have a choice, if my grades dont improve I wont have my scholarships to go back to school-- yikes). I wonder what time I'll be going to sleep tonight?

Happy New Year!

Well it's my first post of the new year (yay.) so I thought I'd share something... I now have a flickr.com account... so if you're curious and wanna see what i look like or just be nosey or something, i'm here. Don't get excited, the pics are nothing special.

I hope everyone has a happy new year!