Time.

A lot can happen in a year. And it can seem like such a short amount of time. A year. Sometimes when you say it, it seems long. When it's past, it seems like yesterday. I've started thinking about this because I was reading my archives. I tend to do that occasionally, just to see what I was thinking on 'this' day 1 year ago. Well, on April 28 2003 I was trying to explain my dad being thisclose to dying. I don't think the seriousness of the accident itself came across too well. You can read it for yourself (sorry I'm not sure how to link to it) or just take my opinion on it.

It's amazing how fast this year seems to have went by. It feels like just yesterday I was tip-toeing upstairs after midnight, so as not to wake my little sister, to wake my mom and tell her that dad wasn't home yet and that the police were on the phone. That has to be one of the most scariest things a person can go through. You wouldn't believe the thoughts that rush through you. You wonder what happened? is he dead? did someone die? was he in an accident? did he get a DUI? is he ok? please God let him be ok. Let us be ok. That's what's going through your head, over and over and over in the space of a second. Time seems to stretch, never has a 30 minute drive seemed so long. Or so short. Time just turns into an enemy, pulling you in whatever direction it wants. Teasing you. Making moments of torture into hours, while seconds of happiness are only seconds. Time is unfair. Even when you realize you don't control time, you aren't prepared for that one second when everything can change. And it does. My whole family's lives were flipped around when the accident happened. We're still recovering. And I'm just grateful that we are all still here to recover. Because it was so gut-wrenching, heart stoppingly close.

You grow stronger with time too. Things that happened 10, or even 5, years ago may not seem as harsh. Wounds have turned into scars. The scars still hurt, but time dulls the pain.

And I know, in time, good things will happen (and yes, they are happening) and the bad memories will fade. They will still linger, but I'll have to think harder to recall them. It's just when you look back, the memories assult you. Time seems to fade, and all of a sudden it's a year ago and I'm back where I was.

Right now I'm in this "I'm going to college and now high school work seems mundane" phase. I know I should be doing my schoolwork, and I know that I have to get passing grades so I don't lose my scholarships--- and yea, knowing all that, I just do what i have to to get by and not really put any major effort into the work itself.

I am starting to think that maybe it's the assignments themselves. When I'm challenged to write something, such as my senior project paper, I put effort into it and it turns out well written (in my teacher's opinion). But when it comes to doing other schoolwork that I don't have to get so involved in? I don't. I just put in minimal effort.

I put in the minimal effort... so I guess it's my fault then? It seems that way. But think about it this way, if you're bored at something, and completely uninspired to do it, what other effort can you put into it? If you're not interested, you certainly can't involve your whole heart/effort in the project. It's just impossible.

My task is figuring out what's wrong with me. And how to get back on track. Did you know I got 2 'C's and 1 'A' this past quarter? (I only have 3 graded classes). That's not exactly good. It's not horribly bad either but... well, if I had gotten this report card 2 years ago I would have locked myself up in my room crying my eyes out. Not this year. This year I open it, look at my grades, and say "mom you're not going to be happy." That's all. I wasn't surprised at my poor grades. And that, well, it *socks.

*socks is my family's new word for 'sucks'. i.e.-- you sock.

from the lovely roscoe

1. What's yer middle name?
Ann

2. What's the weirdest thing you'e ever said to anyone?
I can't answer 'ever'... but the weirdest thing I've said today (nominated by mom) was:
mom: I'm not taking any of my cars there anymore
Me: and certainly not any that start with 'Z' and ends in "ippy"!! (my car is named Zippy)


3. Have you ever had a burping contest with anyone?
Yup. With my cousin mandy, my siblings... But I've always lost cause I'm a wuss of a burper. I'm getting better (or worse?) though. I can actually burp pretty loudly now, it used to be that I'd burp and say excuse me and people would ask why I said that since they didn't hear me burp at all. But yes, I've had burping contests. I've just always lost. lol

another from lanni...

what can i say? I'm a bit bored. And the template search is yielding no results. So here ya go:

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.
Ask me anything you want (not promising I'll answer, but you can always ask).
Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything...

long time no post

I don't like this template. Or how the words look. It doesn't inspire me to write. I think it looks sloppy. That's my excuse for not writing.

"I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit me."

It looks/feels like SUMMER outside! FINALLY! :D Usually it turns out that when I have a day off, it rains or does other crappy weather. But not today! Although... I did miss some of it, cause I slept till 11:56. Hey, I was tired.

I went yard-saling yesterday. Well, sort of. Instead of going to a whole bunch like we normally do, because it was only Friday, we only went to one which is like an annual fleamarket/yard sale. All I got was 2 cassette tapes (poison's greatest 86-96, and alanis morissette-jagged little pill). So I spent a whole dollar. Wow. Hehe.

I'm debating... I could take about $26 and get 4 towels for college (my work has HUGE ones, 40x70inches)(and yea, FOUR. my mom thinks I'll need that many. I am doubtful). Or I could be a good lil girl and save that money.

Did I ever mention I hate money? I mean, if it comes to having some or not, I'd rather have some. I just mean in general I hate money. I hate that some people are looked up to just cause they have so much, others looked down upon cause they have so little. Movie stars making hordes of it, while us 'normal' people get little in comparison. It just stinks.

you know, i should really change this template. it's getting on my nerves. Only problem? I cannot find a template I like. Any suggestions? comments? themes? ideas? anything?

And seeing the overwhelming amount of comments I got on my audio post (hah!) I decided not to go with a subscription. What's the point, if nobody wants to hear/comment? It's ok, I'll save my $9 every 3 months. lol.

hello people....

audio post courtesy of a free trial from audblog. And yes, I sound horrible and rushed. And a bit like a commercial. And hoov (heidi) says I sound like (a less cheerful version of) our cousin mandy. but it's not, it's just how i sound on any sort of machine. blah. That was fun, I might just subscribe. :)

i am hyper... yes i am...

I feel like doing something. I'm not sure what. All I know is that I don't want to be sitting here. I want to be interacting. Yes, I am talking on yahoo IM. And as much as I love my people, I feel like I want more. Real life interaction. The type where you can see the person when they smile, or touch their arm to get their attention, or smack them (playfully) when they say a smart arsed comment (I would have a huge black and blue haha). I want to interact. That is weird for me, seeing as how I'm not the type that normally likes social interactions. Blame it on the family gathering/Easter celebration at my grandparents today.

< rant >

Please. Girls (and guys, but it's been mainly girls that I noticed that annoy me), if you're going to have a boyfriend, please for the sake of my eyes, keep your mitts off him in front of me. It just grosses me out. I don't think I'm cut out for relationships. Don't get me wrong, I think it's cute when you can tell a couple like eachother. However, the girl sitting on his lap when there's plenty of space available at a family gathering and making everyone in the room look at her is just annoying. And having a plate (that says BOTH of your names on it) on one of your cars? *GAG*

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy she has a boyfriend that she likes, and that she likes him enough (and feels comfortable enough) to bring him to a family event (something I would NEVER subject just a bf too- no sense scaring him so early on lol). I just wish I didn't have to be witness to how much you like him.

Happy Easter everyone..

and woohoo I can finally change this template :)

strawberry jam, strawberry/bannana split pie, strawberry shortcake, strawberry cheese cake, strawberries and sugar, strawberries and cool whip...

yum. As you can probably tell, I have strawberries on the brain. Actually, they're partly on my jeans too. Shall I start from the beginning?

As you may or may not have read, my family has a bit of a fruit obsession. No, wait, that's not correct. We do love fruit, but we tend to get it in mass quantities during the spring/summer months. So, today we drove down to pick up my dad at a flea market, and we decide to walk through the flea market and see what we could find to buy. After an extensive search for good-looking daffodils (which i gave up on), my mom passes by a fruit stand. At the end of the day. And in case you've never been to a flea market (you weirdo! go!), I'll let you in on a 'secret', they have their best deals at the end of the day usually. Yes, the quality isn't as good, but depending on what it is it doesn't matter. Anyway, my mom ended up getting 2 FLATS (about 9 contains of strawberries per flat so 18 packs!) of strawberries for $2 a flat. The only thing is, some of the strawberries are a bit rotten, that's why they were so cheap. But mom just goes through them and ditches the rotten ones. Anyway, so I'm carrying these strawberries, and I get a pink stain on the front of my jeans. Lovely. In spite of that, I really could eat some strawberries right now.... however, it's 1:30 in the morning, and i think mom might have a heart attack if i ate the strawberries she just cut up for baking lol. :)

My Zippy (car) is fixed!!!! I can't tell you how happy that makes me. Today I drove around, blaring the radio and singing as loud as I wanted- I was the only person in the car. So if you saw me driving today and thought me a loon, well, I am and so you're correct.

I like to sing in the car. It's freeing almost. Especially when there's nobody else in the car with me. I like to just sing, and not really care what I sound like. Which is good, because I'm sure I sound terrible... but it doesn't matter when you're alone.

this title field gets annoying...

I was thinking about changing my template. Putting up something for Easter... however, I then realized I have a Happy Bunny template. What says Easter more than Happy Bunny? (ok, so Jesus. But I'm not having a religious template...)

Don't bother with my new novel/Ms Abigail Morten if you're reading it- although I don't think anyone was... I can't blame you, I got bored with it and I was the one writing! Anyway, so for my FINAL Senior Project I'm doing a children's book. I have the story written (completely) already, I just have to illustrate it. And I must say, as long as I don't do a horrible job on the illustrations, it should be a half decent book.

So I just thought I'd give an update. I'm not in the mood to be all emotional right now. I just got out of my lavendar sented bubble bath, and I don't feel like being 'deep'. I'm relaxed now, and I intend to stay that way.

In fact, I'm so relaxed, I'm going to sleep. Have a good night/day everyone (depending on when you read this)...

decisions decisions. i hate them.

Excuse my pathetic excuse for a poem:

One, Two, Three,

all accepted me!