outside of myself

I've come to realize that I need to stop posting expecting people to comment on it. Or even read it. I need to just post to vent, to get the thoughts outside of me. The way this blog used to be. I felt disappointed in the fact that nobody reads/comments, when I realized that I actually was disappointed in myself. I don't feel the drive/desire to write anymore. Wait, actually, I do feel the desire to write, but I always feel that when I write it doesn't turn out to be what I want it to be. So I figure what's the point of writing, if it's not what I want to say? I silence myself because I can't formulate my thoughts. Everything comes out disjointed, or boring.
I blame college. In highschool I was always writing, I would write just for the fun of writing. I wrote just to write. I loved to write essays. I loved expressing my opinions in writing, because I can certainly write better than I can talk.
Now... now I write because I have to. I'm having a rough time trying to have fun when my topics consist of things I'm not interested in... like my next American Cultures Essay. 6-8 pages on "comparing the ideal vision of society found in the Revolutionary era to that during the 1850s. What ideals remain the same and what shifts have taken place?" How do you get excited about that?? Unless you're a history major and know what you're talking about, it's rather difficult to write.
And I have less time to write fun things now. The tons of essays and writings I'm assigned are just too overwhelming that it takes everything I have in me to get through those, let alone write anything for me.
Hopefully over Christmas vacation (a month off!) I'll get back what I lost. I want it back. I need it back. It gave me peace.

a melancholy post...

no longer exists. Things are... better. So I thought it wasn't fair to have that post up anymore. Thanks to all those that read it and cared though.

you know... if i updated more, i wouldn't have to title the posts 'an update'

Honey.... I'm home! Yay!
The first major thing I did after arriving home was taking a nap. I don't know why, but somehow the change between going from school to home always makes me require a nap. Caitlin has a theory it's because of the change in mountain air. Possible. Regardless of what it is, it makes me need a nap. Just about every Friday I come home and take a nap, today's lasted longer than usual... 4 hours. Although, last Friday I did sleep for 14 hours+ straight. Oops. I guess I just need to recharge my batteries for when I'm at home.
Then... I went on the computer. And that's where I've been slowly waking up for the past 2 hours now.
Tomorrow I think my cousin is bringing her new puppy up for a visit. A 15-week old St. Bernard. aww. I bet it's really cute. Although I don't envy her when the puppy gets older, I wouldn't want to have to deal with all of that slobber! ;)
Saturday... I think we're going to my grandmother & grandfather's house. I got them birthday presents (their birthdays are like 10 days apart) so I can't wait to give the stuff to them.
umm.. Sunday I go back. Drat. But it'll be nice having a Tues-Sunday vacation. And I barely have any work to do over this break.
And now I'm going back to relaxing and doing nothing.

new template!

I figured it was about time for a new template. And what better to suit these chilly winter days but a snowman that says just chillin'? I thought it was cute. What do you think?

(I'd post more except now I have to walk about 3 mins in this chilly weather to get to class. brrr)

what do you think?

should i be insulted?

hi!

I've decided it's been long enough since I've blogged.
Did you miss me?

Do you know what I've realized? I NEED good music. It can't just be any type of music, it can't be the type my roomate (roomie #2) listens to, it has to be good music that I enjoy, that I can sing along with. It has to be MY type of music. I can't say I have a specific type, but I can say I know what my type is not. Hah that goes for music and guys. Anyway, when I listen to my music, and I sing along with it, I can literally feel my stress melting away. When I listen to some other types of music, it just adds to my stress level.
And so is how I've been living lately. In ever fluctuating patterns of stress and no stress. But that is the life of a college freshman, not?

Hmmm...
I have a few papers due soon, a few things to read, but nothing more than any other week. Less than other weeks actually, since this Friday 2 (well 3) of my classes are cancelled. Yes, that's right, cancelled! I'm staying on campus this weekend, making tons of plans of things to be done between the 52 pages I'll have to have read for my AmCul class on Monday. I can't wait til the weekend, it should be fun.
Til later... adios.