Thinking about it tonight, I've realized why I've been so quick to yell at my roommate lately. The thing is, not only do I not really like her much, but I've no respect for her. Yes, I respect her as a person, but just because I see her in human form, not because I think she's any type of person worth being around. And so since I don't respect her (and I don't even believe she's earned or deserves my, or anybody elses, respect) I'm less likely to treat her as I would everyone else.
Usually when I get mad you know it because I won't talk to you as much or in the same tones as before. And then once I'm past that stage I'll try to talk to you about it reasonably in normal tones and say why I'm upset and what my fault in it is and what your fault is and etc. And usually we can come both come out of it feeling better.
But with this roommate... any attempt to talk to her turns into her getting mega-defensive and yelling. And so now that I know this, I guess I cut to the quick and just start off in a yelling/awful tone. And without fail, that's the direction the should-have-been discussion goes. There's no middle ground for her, it's always a case of "I'm right, and you just dont understand why because of (whatever)." It's impossible for her to admit that she's wrong, or that she even has any part of the blame in any situation. Sometimes we (we being either myself or my other roommate, plus the roommate I'm talking about) are just in a normal conversation and one of us says something and she has to say how "this place is better" or "it's not like Boston!" Well duh, it's not Boston. If it were Boston, it wouldnt' be what I'm talking about seeing as how I've never been there. I've nothing against it, apparently it's an amazing place, but that doesn't have anything to do with what we were just talking about. And yet that's what the talk turns into- Boston (or the state she's from or X amount of other things she changes subject into).
Also, she's one of those people that only cares about her own problems. If she had a bad experience in her morning class, she's still talking about it over dinner. If you try to talk about something else, she gets this glazed look in her eye and if you get any answer at all its an 'uh-huh' and then in your mid-sentence she'll exclaim about her bad morning... again. For the 1,000th time.
Those are only a few of the reasons, but they're big issues as to why I cannot respect her. Now that I've realized how I really feel about her, I'm going to try to keep that in mind and not be so quick to anger or angry tones. Because it doesn't help the situation anyway, and I don't like myself as a person when I am like that.
So for my own, purely selfish, reasons I am going to try to shake the annoyed and angry tones next week. We'll see how it goes.
