I was attempting to write my paper. 7 pages, due Tuesday in class (at 12:30). So far, it's not going well at all.
Sometimes, I'm a good writer. Sometimes I actually read my paper and I'm like 'ok that sounds good.' Sometimes my brain bypasses correct punctuation usage in favor of getting the thought down. Today is not one of those times. Today everytime I reread a sentence I end up deleting it and starting over. And it deserves to be erased because it's awkward and rambly, with weird comma usage and/or other punctuation out of place. So I switch this word, delete this comma and rearrange the words a few more times. And 15 minutes later, I have a sentence. One. It's frustrating.
Sometimes the words just flow out of my brain through my fingertips and onto the screen. Sometimes my fingers can barely type fast enough to keep up with the direction of my thoughts. Sometimes everything goes smoothly. Today is not one of those times. Today my words are being pulled from my fingertips like a shard of glass from a wound, each painful word following the next until all I'm left with is the bloody mess that is my paper.
Sometimes my thesis is something I like. Today? No. Today my thesis can't be formed properly. I know the general, I can't narrow it down to the specific. I want my thesis to be something like "rationality in these texts = bad" but I need it to sound good, and I need it to make sense in relation to the rest of my paper. I need to know what the rest of my paper is going to be like.
My paper right now is an outline of characters and one way they show rationality = bad. I need more details. It's impossible to fill up seven pages with 'rationality = bad in X person because of this one reason. I need details!
The details won't happen without a better outline. Right now my outline is crap, and so my paper is crap and impossible to write. You can't write a paper like this without a decent outline, I know that. And yet, even just trying to write the detailed outline is almost impossible. I've been sitting here for 2 hours trying.
Sometimes papers make me want to kill myself.
