life philosophy

I dont know why I let myself get excited about something; I should know better than to actually look forward to anything. I thought I had conditioned myself to know better, and to know that what my expectations are and what usually happens are far far apart and its best to not look forward to it at all since it won't be as good as my head makes it out to be anyway.

I'm not in a good mood. I don't know if I'm hurt or disappointed or some mixture of both. I already logged out of everything cause I just couldnt deal, I had to just curl up on my bed and force myself to zone out so I could like calm down. I don't know, its hard to explain. At least by writing about it it makes me cry, which should (theoretically) make me feel better. Sometime.