how. or why maybe. WHY is better. WHY is it that people, one person even, can completely ruin a good mood? Nobody should have that type of power over me, and yet they do. Such as tonight. I was in a great mood. happy to be online. happy to make a tiny dent in all the schoolwork due by tuesday. happy to have written a 505 word essay for psychology class in 20minutes. i met a new IM person earlier, that contributed to my happiness. I read about 50 pages of my book while waiting for my sister in the dentist's office. that made me happy. I was so happy, with nothing in particular just everything in general.
and then...
and then one person comes along in a horrible mood, and it destroyed my happiness. popped like a balloon in the hands of a bully. not that my friend is a bully, although tonight i feel like it. the friend isn't intentionally being a bully, but tonight they bullied me out of my good mood, so therefore tonight they were one. their bad mood sucked me in, chewed me up, and spit me out with little regard of how they were affecting me.
i'm a generally happy person. and with all the stuff that goes on in my life (that nobody that reads this knows about, except maybe to some extent 1 person), my being able to be a generally good natured happy person says that i am a strong person. but where is that strength when i'm faced with a friend in a horrible mood? Where is that inner strength that says their problems are not your problems. it disappears, and turns instead into a rush of empathy and a clone of their emotions. i feel angry at the injustice they're angry at, sad at what's wrong in their life. And worse yet, i feel resentful because they dragged me down. i was in a good mood before, dammit.
this isn't to say i don't want to know about my friends problems. of course i do, that's what being a friend is about. being there for others. and their moods don't always drag me down. i like being a friend, and being their for them and seeing them through the bad times to the good. it's just... tonight i was selfish, and didn't want to let go of my happiness. and instead i might have just let go of a friendship. and now i feel like letting go altogether. going up to my bed, pounding my feet, crying, screaming at the injustice of it all. but i won't. it's not fair. it's not fair that my good mood turned sour. it's not fair. i was in a good mood before, dammit.
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